Ivy League Insults: A Fall Weekend visiting guide

Fall Weekend is approaching, and it seems like just about everyone’s got plans. Some will be cramming for exams, some will be heading home, and still others will be visiting friends at other universities. Finding myself in the third category, I began to ponder how I might, as a Brown first-year, assert my newfound school pride at rival universities. As it turns out, the solution is obvious.

In order to express my love for Brown and cultivate our school’s reputation as an open, tolerant place, I’ve cultivated a list of ruthless insults for use on any rival Ivy League school and its students. Be a good ambassador for Brown and mercilessly mock your Yale, Cornell, or Dartmouth friends on this beautiful Fall Weekend.

Harvard

You didn’t have to encounter the terribly pretentious Harvard cheering squad at the Harvard-Brown game two weekends ago to realize that Harvard students are literally all, without exceptions, a bunch of raging douchebags. Behind enemy lines in Cambridge, your only choice is to fight fire with fire. Establish academic dominance by telling those fools that Harvard’s undergraduate reputation “is mixed at best,” while you trump them socially by noting that you didn’t want to go to school “with a bunch of losers and lightweights,” anyway. Alternatively, pull a Will Hunting.

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