Dear Rhode Island weather,
please get your shit together.
You’re ruining my ‘do,
and messing with my attitude.
Don’t taunt us with the promise of Spring,
when we really don’t know what tomorrow may bring.
Oh, wait—I know…
Rain, and snow, and terrors untold.
No, I’m not exaggerating.
You truly are exasperating.
So for fuck’s sake,
give us a break.
That crafty, cunning bitch. Gray-eyed Athena in all her metis has crafted a winter storm and will proceed into battle with the Northeast tonight just a little over week after we had to deal with the rowdy Sandy (Cohen).
Conditions will include rain mixed with snow, wind gusts over 50 mph, and temperatures in the low 30s, all products of the goddess’ detailed, calculated work.
There’s no way to hold this storm back: while Sandy (Cohen) may have been easily distracted by the presence of bagels, the helmet-wearing, spear-bearing Athena means business. Don’t even try to seduce her… the virginal goddess won’t budge. Hephaestus tried it before, and trust us, it didn’t work. Everyone on Olympus made fun of him, and they’ll make fun of you too.
It’s climate change, betches! I don’t mean to sound excited about that, but for any non-believers out there — the snow that fell on Saturday, October 29th better have rocked your world. And if that wasn’t enough to get you thinking, this snowfall was NYC’s earliest since 1869. In the dialogue about climate change, there’s a lot of emphasis on the global warming bit, but the truth is that our climate is changing in a lot of other extreme ways, too. In case you haven’t noticed, winters have been colder and longer in the past few years. Remember how long it took to whip out our short shorts last spring? Hate to break it to ya, but chances are that it’ll be the same deal this year. So why, exactly, is global warming causing
fucking freezing cold winters that start in October? Let me break it down for you:
Note: this is the oversimplified version of the explanation, get at me for the dirty deetz.
1. ice caps are melting because of higher global temperatures
2. as ice sheets melt, less of the heat on earth can be reflected back out
3. wait doesn’t that mean it’s getting hotter? Continue Reading
Fellow Brunonians! I bring you the great news that the heat is in fact on. Facilities has just informed us all that they will now be guaranteeing that all rooms will stay at a balmy 68-72 degrees (unfortunately they picked a pretty nice day to send that email out).
There definitely are good signs and bad signs in this one. Yes, winter is coming, and so are the numb ears and fingertips that come with it, but maybe now I don’t have to bring my comforter into the hallway for 4 am Saturday night floor parties anymore.