You may not know this, but here at Brown we actually have some varsity sports teams. A whole bunch of them, as it happens. And, as an innocent, misguided freshman, I will attempt to attend one game played by each of these 37 varsity teams. There will be drama, there will be action, there will be
crushing boredom excitement. Welcome to Sixth Man.
Have you ever wondered what death feels like? For me, I’m pretty sure it’s something similar to watching the women’s soccer team lose a non-league game to Dartmouth in crippling cold roughly 12 hours before a paper I haven’t written is due. Fine, at least it wasn’t that cold — the doctors say that thanks to the wonders of modern science, they’ll probably be able to salvage one or two of my fingers from the frostbite. I guess we’ll see once the bandages come off.
In any case, we’re here to talk about the soccer game, because all you Lady Bears hooligans out there can’t wait any longer. It was an exciting night on the pitch (pretentious soccer slang for “field”), as both teams fought hard on their way to a 0-0 halftime tie. This marks the second time in two weeks that Sixth Man has had the pleasure of watching a 0-0 first half. Here are some things I find more entertaining than scoreless halves of any sport: standing in line on Chicken Finger Friday; writing my English paper at 2 am. last night; Chinese water torture. SCORE SOME DAMN GOALS, PEOPLE.