PsychPowerGod: 10 Healthy (And a Few Unhealthy) Ways To Fend Off Insomnia

It has happened to all of us. Lying in bed—can’t sleep. Not even a late night Hulu session can do the trick. It’s time to nip this problem in the bud. Here are some healthy ways to get the well-deserved sleep you need:

  1. Exercise more. It wouldn’t kill you to take off those sweatpants you’ve been wearing since Presidents Day weekend and head over to the OMAC.
  2. Don’t nap. It will likely make you less tired come bedtime.
  3. Avoid doing work on or in your bed. You want your bed to be a soporific sanctuary, not a worry ward.
  4. Steer clear of caffeine (and other stimulants) after the sun sets.
  5. Try to maintain a regular sleep pattern. Going to bed around the same time every night can help normalize your biological clock.
  6. Stop stressing about it! Worrying about insomnia can make it worse. Put sleep on the back burner and focus on other things.
  7. Avoid bright lights when approaching bedtime. Light late at night can trick your body into thinking it is daytime.
  8. Get off before you doze off. Take a page out of Marvin Gaye’s book and try some Sexual Healing.
  9. Meditate before bed. It will calm your nervous system and clear your head.
  10. Melatonin. This naturally occurring hormone is secreted by your pineal gland and can be taken over the counter to treat insomnia.

And of course there are the less healthy methods:

  1. Alcohol. From a glass of red wine to the SciLi Challenge, alcohol can help get the job done. While it might help you pass out fall into a slumber more easily, BEWARE, because too much of it will reduce the quality of your sleep.
  2. Marijuana. Mary Jane is probably good at tucking you in, but her continual use before bed may cause an unhealthy dependency.
  3. The Owen Wilson method. It’s quick, effective, and kind of scary.


  1. over9000

    hahaha, nice curveballs at the end.

    my problem with smoking a lot before bed is that it DOES help me get to sleep, but then i sleep for, like, 12 hours.

    p.s. am i the only one who thinks that the ‘all of the lights’ video is just kanye trying to incept us? i feel like he’s fucking with us and in a few weeks is gonna be like, “LOL JK THAT SHITTY VIDEO WASN’T SERIOUS; I PUT LIKE 20 SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES IN IT.”

  2. Making a few small changes is an excellent way to treat insomnia. For an inactive person, beginning an exercise routine of 20 – 30 minutes a few times a week can greatly aid in helping you gain the sleep your desperately need. In addition, make sure you are drinking purified water each day of at least eight to 10 glass so that you muscles and body are well hydrated when you go to bed.

    Cutting down on alcohol will also help you fall asleep faster and get a more restful night of sleep. Try drinking some calming herbal teas like chamomile and hops about an hour before you are ready to go to sleep as a natural way to treat insomnia. Alcohol, while not stimulating, can effect your body’s natural rhythms and therefore, disrupt your sleep.

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