By this time, the sophomores have already declared, but freshmen listen up. And remember, it’s never too late to declare a second concentration. So, let’s continue with the second installment. Remember, the concentrations are going in reverse alphabetical order.* Part 2: Medieval Studies – English
Medieval Studies: There is more to Medieval Studies than big turkey wings and knights in shining armor. These concentrators can joust with their lances (and their penises). But remember: torture was big during the Middle Ages, so get ready for some bondage and S&M.
Literary Arts: Don’t underestimate what all that time typing does to the agility of these concentrators’ fingers. Carpal tunnel hasn’t set in yet, but these creative writers’ imaginations have. Down for role-play and story-telling, these concentrators’ sex lives are anything but boring. They take their readers to amazing heights on the page and they will do the same for your orgasms.
Linguistics: These concentrators will make you form sounds you didn’t know were possible! Skilled in the art of oral, linguistics majors aren’t afraid of using some tongue to get a little loquacious. They are all about language formation, but they don’t forget about the human form. Believe me, they’ll put the SIN back in “syntax.”
Judaic Studies: Happy Passover. And thank you for circumcision. These concentrators know about the parting of the sea and the parting of thighs. It’s all about tradition, however, so get ready for consistent but good sex. And remember, the one thing you don’t have to worry about with these concentrators is getting a yeast infection.
Independent Concentration: The few and the proud, independent concentrators know what they want in their education and in the bedroom–they’re direct, driven, and daring. Their sexual partners are as diverse as their curricula. To them, life is a make your own sundae bar, and they aren’t holding back.
Human Biology: Moving on from plants and bacteria, these concentrators know the human body is where things are at. Interdisciplinary by nature, they like to slide seamlessly between positions. Aware of all parts of the human condition, these concentrators like to push sex to the limits. Just beware of having your partner turn into your science project.
History of Art & Architecture: These concentrators have seen enough of Georgia O’Keeffe’s work to know the basics of a vagina, but don’t think they stop there. With an eye for beauty, complexity, and detail, they really know how to pick ‘em. And if Mies van der Rohe inspires your concentrator, be ready to press your bodies against the glass of some very famous building. It’s all about sharing art with the public, so PDA is a must.
History: These concentrators may be stuck in the past, but they ain’t ancient history. The Kama Sutra never goes out of style and neither do the skills of these majors. They’re used to memorizing, so they won’t forget about the little spots that make you go crazy.
Geological Sciences: Rocks for Jocks on everyone’s cocks. These concentrators are as familiar with the layers of the earth as they are the layers of different partners’ bed sheets. You can only study soil and minerals for so long before you long for human touch. Of course, all concentrators aren’t this way. Think of it like mining – you have to search through the rubble to find the gems.
Gender & Sexuality Studies: This concentration is just one big bag of tricks. You want it, they got it – everything from sadomasochism to fetishes. They are open to everything and all walks of life. Just stay away from the heteronormative. Gender is a spectrum, and so is sex – if you don’t like the position you’re in, just switch it up.
Environmental Studies: This major practices both safe sex and green sex. I’m talking always turning the lights off and biodegradable condoms. These concentrators aren’t afraid of nature, so get ready for some literal rolls in the hay. Although they are concerned with policy, they aren’t afraid of a little fun. As long as carbon emissions are at a minimum, you will reach your personal maximum climax.
English: These concentrators have read up on the romantic period and aren’t afraid of it. But don’t let all those Emily Dickinson quotes fool you – these concentrators know all different forms of literature. They’re down for some dirty talk. They might be mouthy in bed, but don’t be deceived. You may not be the only hottie this horny Hemingway is heating up.
Until Next Sexction,
C. Lit Student
*Note: not all concentrations will be listed. Masturbation is still encouraged for the unlisted.