(Weird) crime@Brown, part 1

Sunday night, we got a crime alert e-mail about a robbery on campus. Crime can be scary, but sometimes it’s funny! Here are some amusing crime reports gathered from old BDH crime logs.

22 Oct ’10, 1:11 p.m.:  A custodian stated he witnessed a Brown student attempting to break into the washing machine in the Perkins Hall laundry room with a butter knife. The student admitted to the officer that she was attempting to break into the washer with a butter knife to take quarters to do her wash. A check of the coin box was made and no damage was observed. The case has been turned over to the Office of Student Life. … Maybe if she didn’t live so far away from everything, she wouldn’t have had to resort to such drastic measures.

27 Sept ’09, 2:16 p.m.: A resident counselor in Bronson House reported that at 10 a.m. she noticed graffiti depicting images of male genitalia and some words drawn in black permanent marker on a door of a room. She stated that she waited until 2 p.m. to speak with one of the residents of the room to find out if there was any reasoning behind the markings and found there was not. Neither roommate wished to file a complaint. Facilities Management was notified of the graffiti. There are no suspects at this time. … No reasoning behind art?  How pedestrian.  

22 Dec ’08, 1:37 p.m.: While on detail doing dorm checks in Vartan Gregorian Quadrangle, an officer found in plain view on a desk a sword in a sheath. It was confiscated, brought to department headquarters and tagged as evidence. The matter has been turned over to Student Life.  … It would’ve sucked if there were a dragon attack on December 23rd.

1 Nov ’08, 3:53 p.m.[Halloween crime!  Look out!]  A student in Olney House reported that he had been at a function. He stated that he had put his wallet, cell phone and room key inside a Spiderman mask. He then put the mask on the floor behind a trash can in the lounge. When he returned for the mask and his property, they were gone. He also reported that his debit card had been used at various retail establishments. He reported that he has cancelled his cards. There are no suspects at this time. … A week later, it was reported that Spiderman had bought duct tape and condoms from CVS.

26 Oct ’08, 2:24 p.m.:  A student in Barbour Hall reported that some of his clothes were stolen from the laundry room. He stated that when he put his clothes in the dryer he noticed that jeans, t-shirts, handkerchiefs and boxer shorts were missing. On Oct. 31, the student called detectives and stated that he found all of the items in another washer. … But they were no longer dry.

21 Oct ’08, 7:36 a.m.:  A student was found sleeping on the roof of the Sciences Library. He stated that he had been sleeping there lately because he spent many hours working on a project and that it was easier than going home. He was escorted off the roof. The matter has been turned over to Student Life. … How was this discovered?

17 Mar ’08, 1:59 p.m.:  A student reported that sometime between 11 p.m. on March 14 and 9 a.m. on March 16, someone poured maple syrup all over her motor scooter in Lot 77 at Brook and Benevolent Streets.  … How did she know it was maple?

9 Mar ’08, 1:42 a.m. While on patrol, an officer noticed a vehicle driving recklessly on the Main Green. The officer blocked the gate with the police cruiser to stop the vehicle. It was explained to the two student occupants that it was dangerous to drive on the Main Green with all of the pedestrians walking around. One stated that he thought it would be fun. The case has been turned over to Student Life. … At least they were driving under the speed limit.

22 Feb ’08, 11:02 a.m. Police units were dispatched to respond to reports that someone in army fatigues wearing a gas mask and carrying a satchel entered the Center for Information Technology. Upon arrival, witnesses stated that the individual went into the elevator but were unsure where the individual exited. Officers searched all floors of the building and the person was located in a classroom and was found to be a student. The student stated that there was a group getting together at the Sharpe Refectory after class in costume to advertise a haunted house. The dean on call that day was contacted, and the student was told by DPS that the group could not advertise at the Refectory. The matter has been turned over to the Office of Student Life. … The gas mask was actually unrelated to the costume; he just didn’t want to smell the CS students.

8 Apr ’07, 11:26 p.m.:  Complainant reported that while walking on Thayer Street, occupants of a vehicle driving by threw a doughnut at her, striking her in the head. DPS officers searched the area for the subjects to no avail. The matter is under investigation. … The DPS officers were actually searching for the donut.

Stay safe,



  1. Kevin

    This meme? Really?

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