During Halloweek, colleges nationwide are alive with cornucopias of costumes (Get it? Fall harvest? No?). The spirit of cross-dressing and slut-ifying yourself lies thick in the air. More likely than not, if you have any friends at all, you’ve been brainstorming possible group or partner costume ideas for days or even weeks.
But what do these costumes say about you?
Yes, at one point (cough freshmanyear cough) we all thought being the cast of Gossip Girl would be ‘classic,’ ‘hilarious’ or ‘ironic,’ but it’s time to face the fact that it has been done before — and often. Regardless of the motivation behind any costume decision, the end aesthetic result will generally be pretty uniform. To everyone else, your plan of mocking the culture of reality television by dressing up as Pauly D means that you are secretly in love with him and his muscles. You probably are.
So, for your edification, we present our psychoanalysis of your group Hallloween costume:
Sexy/Slutty/Va-Va-Voom Disney Princesses: You feel torn between still feeling like a little kid and wanting to be a sex kitten. You probably have some Daddy Issues. You still love the Disney Channel, but are too embarrassed to admit it to others for fear this fact will diminish their opinions of you and your intelligence.
The Seven Deadly Sins: You grew up in a relatively religious household and therefore actually know what these are. You probably brought up the idea hoping you could be Lust.
Hipsters: You realized you already own the clothes necessary to be a hamster, yet still don’t see the irony of your “hilariously mocking” costume.
Sport stars: You have a crush on a member of an athletic team and want them to know how much you are into them their sport.
Cast of Star Wars: You realized Halloween might be your only forum to publicly admit you are obsessed with Star Wars. You have a lot of friends, and therefore needed a cast with many players. You’ve always wanted to be sexy Princess Leia in a metal bikini.
Cops/Criminals: You want someone to think you’re badass. You are not badass.
Any animal of any kind: Watch Mean Girls. Ponder. Apply to your life.