Now that Halloweekend’s over, and you’ve finally found the remnants of your slutty [insert animal here] costume scattered around campus, it’s time to look to the future: responsible balancing of school work looking for another excuse to drink.
Here are some of the stranger red letter days for breaking out the red cups.
The Big Ones
Hannukah – Why party on just one holy day when you can party for more than a week straight? Here’s to having another miracle: a single handle of vodka that lasts for eight whole nights. Mazel tov! December 20th-28th
Holi – The Queer Alliance can’t hog the rainbow; break out the color in a giant pigment fight to celebrate the beginning of spring. Just don’t dare throw glitter—that shit’s the herpes of craft. March 20
Boxing Day – The day after Christmas is supposed to be a day of alms in the Commonwealth (Maybe. Nobody’s really sure). Feel free, though, to use it to finally get drunk off leftover wine and live out your Fight Club fantasies. December 26
The Minor Holidays
Bacchanalia –If you just have to be that guy showing off his knowledge on esoteric classics, celebrate the festival of the god of wine. After all, the Romans threw the original SPG. March 16
Arbor Day – If you really just can’t wait 10 days for 4/20, feel free to appreciate plants on Arbor Day. Also, you might consider observing its sister holiday, “Cut-Down-A-Tree Day.” April 10
Leif Erickson Day – Columbus Day? Please. Erickson was discovering America before it was cool. Dress up as Vikings and go conquer Perkins– when you’re done, enjoy the mead and wine Natty you pillaged. October 9
Edgar Allen Poe’s Birthday – Now that the mysterious Poe Toaster stopped leaving bottles of cognac for the dead writer, it’s up to us to drink brandy and misquote “The Raven” in his honor. Just don’t trust the party with the Amontillado. January 19
New Beer’s Eve – Celebrate the self-correcting efficacy of democracy, and drink to the repeal of Prohibition. Get dressed up in period piece fedoras (the only time this is acceptable), and try not to become a social metaphor about the American Dream. March 23
Waffle Day – The Swedish have the best holidays. Raid the VDub and go waffle crazy, and, when it’s all done, waffle around a food baby, munchies-induced daze. Just be careful with your feet. March 25
Last of All
Tuesday – Why the fuck not?