John Carter (BROWN)

Ever wondered what makes March 9 special? Besides Barbie’s birthday (homegirl’s looking good for 53, y’all!) and a strange holiday only referred to as “Panic Day,” March 9 also marks the release date of Disney’s newest Avatar ripoff  feature film: John Carter.

Of course, we couldn’t help noticing that the movie’s title bears a strange resemblance to a familiar big name on campus — none other than the big JCB himself: John Carter Brown. Which got us thinking: what if, instead of chronicling the adventures of a shirtless he-man fighting off an army of extraterrestrial humanoids, the movie were a little more… Brunonian? What if John Carter became John Carter BROWN? Granted, a sci-fi epic about a 19th-century book collector with a map fetish probably wouldn’t make for as interesting a movie, but a boy can dream. Behold, after the jump, our visions for an epic adventure story based on the life of everyone’s favorite cartophile:


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