Incognito man is watching you

Stalking Period

Incognito man is watching youBecause I’m a Banner demigod, I have absolutely no classes on Friday (yeah, that’s right, be jealous). But rather than sleep in or nurse a hangover, I decided to take the ultimate shopping trip: find a random person, go with them to class, repeat.

Here are the field notes, observations, and petty rants of shopping period.

9-9:50: ECON0110, Principles of Economics

8:59: Oh, freshmen. They’re still eagerly introducing themselves. Hi Carol and Jack! I remember doing that a year ago way back when. Now I bolt for the nearest spot open next to someone I vaguely know.

9:02: First thing the professor asks: “Who wasn’t here Wednesday?” She’s onto me.

9:04: Content of computer screens in the third row: MS Word, MS Word, MS Word, Spotify, Facebook, MS Word, Stickies, Gmail.

9:06: Thirty seconds into class and we have our first “oh no, wrong room” casualty. At least you sat in the back, man. There was a girl on Wednesday in my art class who had to escape while wearing wet galoshes on linoleum. Squish, squish, squish… (Note to self: Make sure to plan speedy getaways when choosing first day of school outfits)

9:10: Organic food co-op as an Econ scenario? Well played, professor.

9:12: “Suppose you’re a poor cook and can only make …” Well, let me introduce you to Sans Meal Plan.

9:13: I can’t really tell the attractiveness of the class; lurking in the back isn’t the best for people watching. And let’s face it—it’s a nontrivial matter. The interestingness of the “Production Possibilities Frontier” isn’t enough to keep you going to class by week 10.

9:16: I see you, Adam, sneaking in 16 minutes late.

9:20: Yahoo! News, really? It’s not 2002 anymore—browse the internet in class with dignity. Let me introduce you to Buzzfeed and reddit.

9:28: Second person sneaks in late. All in all, not bad for a Friday 9 a.m. class.

9:28: Fact: Econ examples are actually first grade word problems involving apples and Joe, but rewritten with three-syllable words and acronyms.

9:30: Someone’s alarm is going off. And their ringtone is a ’90s New Age porn song.

9:31: We’re now doing Oprah Econ scenarios. This is brilliant. I need to change my concentration.

9:42:  Class out. A mad flurry of smart phones comes out.

9:43: I’m starting to remember the faces of freshmen. But only the cute ones. Is that bad?

10-10:50: ENVS0110: Humans, Nature, and the Environment: Addressing Environmental Change in the 21st Century

10:01: The guy-girl ratio literally just inverted when I switched from Econ to Enviro.

10:08: So we just watched this movie. Why are all the other classes more fun than mine?

10:20: Fashion observations: pastels are reaching full swing. And feather earrings are kinda out—only one girl is wearing ‘em. Don’t worry: They still work well on you.

10:21: So. Many. Moleskines.

10:25: “How do you limit population growth?” Oh boy, we’re walking into some -isms here.

10:27: “You’re 18 to 25, got nothing to do but go to school … maybe go to a protest” #snaps

10:30: Student: “Well, I was getting a jump on the reading …” Oh no, it’s that girl.

10:44: Whoo! Someone’s iPhone alarm is going off. Why was it set for 10:44 though? Marimba, marimba, marimba.

10:49: Really guys? Are you going to start zipping up and leaving before she finishes talking? Rude.

11-11:50 PHP0320: Introduction to Public Health

10:58: I think I accidentally stalked a really cute freshman. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose—he just ended up in the three random intro classes I chose.

10:59: Walking through List to get through class makes me feel classy and artsy. And it also makes me want to have a dress made out of NYC MetroCards.

11:01: No seats next to people I know. Time to make some freshman friends.

11:15: I think Public Health is a gateway into the Humanities for stressed out premeds.

11:17: Okay, both Enviro and Public Health threw econ references around like confetti. I think it’s a sign.

11:21: “In the past few years, we’ve added behavioral studies, genetics, and bioterrorism.” #publichealthdescribesmylife

11:22: Fashion observations (Part 2): Everyone is still in the beginning-of-the-year wardrobe. Lovin’ the hair, floral patterns, gingham, desert boots, blazers …

11:25: A girl already fell asleep. This is not a good start to the year, honey.

11:28: “You’re not going to wake up and go ‘Wow! I’m glad I didn’t get food borne illnesses last night.’” #nevereatenattheratty

11:32: Hint: The side entrance of List is usually locked, and is really, really loud when you try and open it. Also, it opens onto the front stage—not your best late entrance.

11:35: The stalker has become the stalked—my friend is sending me creepy I-spy texts.

11:47: “Do not worry about dates. Just worry about major concepts.” #thingsIliketohear

11:51:  “Speaking of public health, please have a SAFE weekend.”

11:52: And the rush for CFF begins.

12-12:50: LUNCH

12:11: Shit. I think I wanna quadruple concentrate in Econ, Enviro, and Public Health. Shopping is great.

Image via.

Leave a Reply