Web Civ: Turkey! Mashed Potatoes! Breaking down “It’s Thanksgiving”

So apparently, despite the death threats and a pronounced lack of talent, Patrice Wilson–better known as the producer/musical genius behind Rebecca Black’s “Friday”–is still in the game, with his new production “It’s Thanksgiving” now rocketing around the interweb. In it, Nicole Westbrook–Rebecca aspirations in hand–whines her way through 3:43 of particularly uninspired Thanksgiving-themed lyrics, punctuated by a typically humiliating mandatory guest appearance by Wilson. Now, let’s be clear here–at this point, these people are aiming for an “any publicity is good publicity” policy and are intentionally gunning for the negative feedback they’re getting, something we shouldn’t stoop to provide. But damn, they’re so good at being bad! Here’s a couch companion to the near-four minutes of terribleness.

0:15: OK, first of all, Thanksgiving hasn’t fallen on the 28th since 2002. Maybe it’s a 2013 calendar? As in, please let me forget about 2012 and this terrible video I made as soon as possible? Also, she’s for some reason already crossing out Thanksgiving Day. I feel like that should be something you do when the day ends. It’s like, wake up, ALRIGHT FUCK THANKSGIVING LET’S CROSS THAT SHIT OUT. Mixed messaging for sure.

0:23: Yeah, just your standard “Dance Until Dawn” Thanksgiving tank. Nothing wows the ol’ extended family more than trashy off-brand attire!

0:43: Is it not at least a little perverse that we’ve been suggestively invited into a prepubescent, ripe-for-molesting 12-year-old’s bedroom? Yes. Yes it is. More than a little, in fact.

0:59: That holiday rundown was a not-so-subtle attempt to duplicate “Friday”s iconic “Yesterday was Thursday/Today it is Friday/Tomorrow is Saturday/And Sunday comes afterwuuuuuuurds.” Where are the politically correct attempts to include religiously diverse holidays, though? Total letdown. I’d love to see Rebecca Nicole lighting a menorah or rocking some traditional African garb for Kwanzaa.

1:06: In order to appear in a video like this, your parents clearly need to either not exist or be incredibly irresponsible; therefore, it’s not all that surprising that Nicki (can we call her that?) is cooking by herself. Still, I’m not sure I’m rushing out to Cafe Westbrook any time soon.

1:18: There are only two Thanksgiving foods. Turkey (ay!), mashed potatoes (ay!). It’s cool though because I legitimately do not at all enjoy cranberry sauce or stuffing, so I’m with the Nickster on this one. A shout-out to pie might be a nice gesture, though.

1:25: Call me crazy, but everything she’s cooking looks a lot like cereal.

1:45: Holy shit. Hide the children, everybody.

2:05: Just a typical 12-year-old Thanksgiving potluck. Who didn’t have ’em, am I right? Invite the whole grade!

2:25: Someone (Nicole) didn’t listen to the part in school where they tell you to not to answer the door for people dropping huge hints that they may be sex predators. Also, I’m sure the salesman at the place where they bought that turkey costume imagined many potential ways it would be used, and they were probably all very creepy. But I still think he/she would be straight petrified if he saw what he had helped create.

2:30: This is awesome–yeah, we pray, in accordance with our subtly Christian messaging, but God takes a back seat to rap! Nicole’s gotta drop some lines, bruh!

2:39: The “let’s give thanks to you, and you, and you [leaves out half the table]” moment is a great parallel to “Friday”s “my friend is on my right [doesn’t acknowledge girl standing on her left].” (Yeah, I know “Friday” really well, what’s your point? It went down from $1.29 to $0.99 on iTunes and I know a deal when I see one.)

2:59: Ah, the turkey-leg-as-microphone maneuver. Cute, and also practical, because microphones are pretty expensive buys for a studio operated out of a sketchy basement.

3:12: Am I going too far to note the phallic qualities of the turkey leg? Yes. But check out the phallic qualities of the turkey leg!

3:37: What do you see when you look in the mirror in the morning?” “My face, obviously, what do you see?” “Yeah, that, but also a picture of me and a bunch of my middle-school friends eating a three-dish Thanksgiving dinner with a 40-year-old dude in a turkey costume. Pretty dope, am I right?”

In sum, that video rox! I think I’ve contributed a solid 100,000 of the 4,000,000 views in the last half-hour alone. The single drops on iTunes Wednesday! Don’t miss it!

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