Arboreal Apocalypse 2012: O’Reilly and Gov. Chafee go head to head

A few days ago, we informed you that Bill O’Reilly was outraged at Governor Chafee’s ’75 P’14 decision to uphold the policies of the previous administration and call the Statehouse tree a holiday tree. Gov. Chafee also thwarted Bill’s plans to send protesters to the tree lighting yesterday by giving the good folk of Rhode Island 30 minutes notice before the ceremony.

Last night there was a five-minute “interview” with Governor Chafee on The O’Reilly Factor. Bill O’Reilly condemned Chafee for “making the American people unhappy during a season of joy,” and citing that a Holiday Tree has no tradition. He even went as far as to lecture the Governor on the history of Christmas trees (the history of Christmas trees could totally be like a class at Brown). At first, Chafee responded by saying that he was merely maintaining the policy of the previous Governor; it was not a controversy before, so why is Bill making it a controversy now? Well, Papa Bear Bill O’Reilly, of messin’-with-SPG fame, did not take kindly to that, and to be fair, that was a pretty weak comeback from the Governor. However, the second time Chafee was able to get a word in edgewise, he had a much more poignant point:

Back in the day, children in public school had to say the pledge of allegiance every morning, and afterwards they would say the Lord’s Prayer, until the Supreme Court ruled that you couldn’t make public school children of all different faiths say a Christian prayer. At the time there was plenty of outrage and protest, but Chafee chimed in: “Now you look back on it and you think, ‘of course you can’t make non-Christians say a Christian prayer in public school.'” Bill O’Reilly was not aware of this previous policy because he went to Catholic School. Bill refuted by saying that these are two completely different issues, because the Christmas tree is a secular symbol. But, if the Christmas tree is secular… what is the holiday tree?

Things got pretty heated when O’Reilly insisted that in his heart the Governor knew he was right. Chafee finally finished growing a pair and confronted Bill O’Reilly for creating controversies, saying “your show, Fox News, you guys are too angry, this is an angry network.” Bill O’Reilly then shouted, “I’m not angry, I’m a happy guy.” Despite how aggressive the “interview” was, Chafee abruptly ended it by saying “Well…Merry Christmas” and Bill thanked him for taking the heat and being on the show. I know, heartwarming.

The first battle over Christmas has just taken place. Although I am not sure who won, I do know that for everyone waiting impatiently for the war between the Starks and the Lannisters to resume in March, this Christmas War is definitely the verbal abusive carnage you need to stave off your blood hungry appetite, at least until January, when Bill O’Reilly has to find something else to be angry about.

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