Coffee alternatives for the sleepless Brunonian


You may be a coffee aficionado, or you may be the farthest thing from one, but if there’s one thing we all know it’s that the coffee scene on campus is booming. A walk to your 9 a.m. class wouldn’t be complete without seeing at least ten pallid-faced individuals clutching their coffee cup as tightly as Kate held Leo’s hand at the end of Titanic. Of course, these folks actually won’t let go, because utter calamity would ensue if they were to drop their life support caffeinated elixir. It’s hard out there for someone who doesn’t drink coffee or just isn’t that enamored of it. Long paper-writing nights become excruciating, and early mornings hurt more than missing Super Heavy Petting. After the break, we offer some alternatives to help you keep up with your restless lifestyle, you untamable beast you.

The obvious: tea


You deserve to feel fancy

Tea is wonderful because it comes in a slew of energizing flavors, so it’ll never become a bore. Optimal otpions include chai, black tea, matcha green tea, ginseng, and peppermint. Enjoy them with a snack, such as nuts or a Blue Room muffin (just be careful with the doors). Try to avoid chamomile and any “Sleepytime” varieties, as those will relax you too much. And, as college students, “relaxation” is sadly not on our Google calendars.

The guilty pleasure: chocolate


“Pour some sugar on me”

Chocolate is basically acceptable any time of the day, and for any mood.  Sad? Eat a chocolate. Happy? Eat a chocolate. Sexiled? Stuff your face with those suckers. However, chocolate is especially apt when you need to stay alert. The combination of cacao and sugar will revitalize you in a jiffy! So it might not be the healthiest snack, but as the ancient proverb goes, “Calories are immaterial when one is studying.” (Right?) Several eateries across campus now offer caffeinated chocolate for those of us who are thrill seekers.

The doctor repellent: apples


Keep the salivating to a minimum, please

Not only are apples inarguably the best fruit to ever exist [Ed: I think we could argue this], but they are also proven to keep you awake. They contain a large dose of natural sugar, and several vitamins that reinvigorate your body. It is also said that the crunching motion aids in keeping one active. For an enhanced effect, you can sprinkle chili powder and freshly squeezed lime juice on your apple slices. Hispanic friends, you know what’s up.

The corporeal treat: mint body wash


[Body] party time

All things minty are guaranteed to stimulate your senses, but minty body wash is simply electrifying. If you are feeling groggy, or just realized that your philosophy paper is due at midday the next day and not midnight, get in the shower and lather yourself thoroughly with minty body scrub or wash. Bonus points if it contains citrus or lavender. The zingy extracts will enter your pores and leave you feeling fresher than your muthaf*ckin’ clique.

 The alt alternative: dancing


Unleash your inner dancing queen

Put on your favorite tunes, and get ready to shake your junk because dancing is an amazing way to keep from dozing off. Any exercise in general (Prancercise included) will keep you awake and focused, but dancing is much more fun than doing 50 squats. All types of dancing are allowed, from modern to krumping. If your roommate is asleep, or if you’re stuck in the library, put on your earphones, crank up “Party in the USA”, and do a little shimmy (full on dancing might not be a viable option here).

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