The best of Super Bowl XLVIII’s commercials

Screen Shot 2014-02-03 at 9.54.28 AM

In case you don’t live within 400 miles of a TV, the Seattle Seahawks dismantled the Denver Broncos in the Puppy Super Bowl last night. Unfortunately for those looking to apply their newfound understanding of overtime, the game was over from the second half’s opening kickoff, which Seattle’s Percy Harvin returned for a touchdown. This left fans in the awkward situation of waiting for the Seahawks to score or for someone to call timeout so the commercials would return. Luckily, the haul this year was pretty great (would you expect anything else?). Here are BlogDH’s superlatives for Super Bowl XLVIII’s commercials.

Cutest: Budweiser’s tale of puppy-clydsedale forbidden love. The puppy was adorable. The clydesdale was a clydesdale. All they wanted to do was hang out a little bit. Really everyone wins.

Most surprising: Axe’s bizarro bait-and-switch. What starts as an assembly of ugly scenes of death and destruction (and shitty stereotypes) turns into adorable kisses and expressions of romance. Note to all those celebrating House of Cards Valentine’s Day: If you can’t assemble a large army to put up a picture of your special someone, you’re doing it wrong.

Most evilJaguar’s assembly of British bad dudes. Ben Kingsley, Tom Hiddleston, and Mark Strong — seriously, this guy only plays villains [Ed: Someone didn’t watch the AMC smash hit Low Winter Sun] — look awesome and they only look better in Jaguars. The hashtag #GoodToBeBad was a nice added touch.

Most nostalgic: Dannon’s rollout of its Greek yogurt line, Oikos, got a great assist from John Stamos, Bob Saget, and Davd Coulier (that’s Uncle Jesse, Danny Tanner, and Joey for those following along at home). Would it have benefited from a Mary-Kate & Ashley cameo? Maybe, but we’ll take what we can get.

Most likely to live in my nightmares: Audi’s Doberhuahua. What was this? A piranha puppy? A cautionary tale about mixing dogs and clydesdales? Either way, Audi would have probably done better with a simple threat: “Buy an A4, or we unleash the doberhuahua upon humanity.”

Absolute, unquestionable best, and I will fight you if you say otherwise: Well played, FOX. This was really a series of stealth ads that built up over the course of the game, but you can check out the final product above. I may have consumed a little too much right-wing propaganda in my middle school years, but I can still enjoy Jack Bauer making a path of destruction through London, right? At least that’s what I hope. (Honorable mention to the Seinfeld reunion bit, but there’s only room for one redux in this post).

Image via.