If you haven’t seen 300: Rise of an Empire, don’t. If you haven’t seen 300: Rise of an Empire in 3D after eating brownies, do. We did it. It was awesome. Here are some “highdeas” we had during this obscene spectacle. They are all direct quotes from ideas we wrote on my phone. Enjoy.
1. You can use your Brown ID for discounted movie tickets at Providence Place Mall.
2. What if we put a store in the mall right below the movie theater that sold considerably cheaper candy than the movie theater does? #freeenterprise
3. They use very strong verbs in most action movies.
4. They also furrow their brows a lot.
5. Even though there is a female lead, this movie is très misogynistic.
6. This takes place in like 300 BCE, why do they have British accents? What century does this take place in?
7. What did they do before glasses were invented? Was everyone just kind of blind or did they have really good vision because they weren’t staring at computer screens all the time?
8. Is this movie an allegory to the War on Terror???????????????????????? (Spoiler alert: the answer is definitely no.)
9. PSA: I thought it was going to be a problem to put 3D glasses over real glasses, but it’s not a problem. Just in case all those who wear glasses were wondering.
10. Isn’t it crazy that the 1800s wasn’t in black and white? Don’t you imagine it was?
12. Is this film homoerotic or trying to appeal to girls?
13. Wouldn’t it suck to live in this time period?
14. But, at the same time, maybe not, because life was so simple. You just hunted and talked loudly and with conviction and killed people.
15 .What was the process of writing this script like? Was there a script written before they went into production?
16. Wait, who was the Peloponnesian War between?
17. This might be the first movie I’ve seen in 3D. I always thought it was a stupid thing, but it’s kinda dope. Everyone should see 3D movies more often.
18. Obviously some warriors were better than all the other ones. Every single man had to become a warrior, but some of them were not built to be fucking Athenian warriors, so some of them sucked…
19. I definitely would’ve died in SECONDS in hand to hand combat.
20. What if they made boxer briefs with pockets? Think really hard about this one I think you’ll agree it’s actually a really good idea.
21. Do you think in the future when weed is legal there will be really nice restaurants that specialize in edibles?
22. ^I wanna be alive for that.
23. What if BCA was fucking with us all, and they actually just spent all their money on Beyoncé and are going to surprise us.
25. Is Gravity still playing in 3D?