Christmas Sweaters Return to Brown


Revamped, reinvigorated, and redesigned, the Brown Ugly Christmas Sweaters arrived back in the campus bookstore last week in what is sure to become the latest pioneer of Brunonian self-parody high fashion. Released now in September, the sweater is innovative, and quite literally ahead of its time.

Following the wild success of last year’s sweater—an awe-inspiring appropriation of secular Nordic imagery into tessellated arabesques reminiscent of early-Middle Eastern art—the bookstore released its new line that manages to incorporate the best of its predecessor’s themes while exploring a bold new frontier in maximalist iconography.  In a wonderfully coy gesture, antlers and a red nose adorn Brown’s bear mascot, reimagining our vicious predator as a familiar and friendly spirit of the holidays. The work of a true genius, the sweater should be another triumph for the bookstore, a paradigm-shift in the campus’s sartorial sensibilities.

Brown Bookstore Online has expertly titled this piece Champion Red **UGLY** Christmas (Sweater) Sweatshirt. Wearing this sweater, you are sure to feel like a champion, yes, but it’s the (Sweater) Sweatshirt duality should really capture the attention of the reader. What does it mean, in our modern age, to be both a sweater and a sweatshirt? Is it a clever nod to the rise of Normcore? Or a sign of the apparel’s inner existential conflict? No one, I think, can truly answer these questions. Luckily, the title is followed by a laconic description that boldly questions our language’s basic syntactical structure, **Back for another year – with an even uglier design! **  Impress your friends and family with your **BAD** taste!  Notice their asterisks for ironic emphasis. Quotation marks are for Philistines.

The sweater is offered in a limited run only and is being sold at the bookstore for $22.99.


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