Super Smash Brown, Part 2



One installment just isn’t enough to cover all of the concentrations and characters between Brown and Smash Bros. So, without further ado, let’s see what character suits your concentration.

Link: Business

Link is a character from the tried and true Legend of Zelda series, and mirrors the idea of business school as a safe bet. He’s a jack of all trades, with access to a sword, shield, bow, bombs, and boomerang. Whatever the situation, whether in the business world or the heat of battle, you’re confident that you have the tools to pull through. The odd thing about Link is that he never speaks. He’s occasionally expressive, but in most Zelda games he isn’t much of a character. Business school is useful, but you won’t fool anyone into thinking it’s interesting.

Psychology: Jigglypuff

This might seem like an odd connection, but it has everything to do with how Jigglypuff plays as a character. As a psychology major, your studies have granted you an understanding of the intricate workings of the human mind. Playing well with Jigglypuff is all about mind games, faking people out until you can land Rest, one of the strongest moves in the game. You and Jigglypuff may feign innocence, but we know better. You’re dissecting our minds, and indexing weak points. Diabolical, the pair of you.

Religious Studies: Pit/Dark Pit

These two angelic characters are a natural fit for religious studies, wielding divinely empowered weapons and soaring, winged, above the competition. Your choice between the two comes down to how you feel about religion as a whole. If you believe it benefits the human endeavor, the forthright Pit is for you. If you’re cynical about the value of religion in present-day society, or even about its value in the past, the twisted clone Dark Pit would suit you better. You might respond, “That’s a false dichotomy.” Well, there’s no Gray Pit, so you’ll just have to suck it up.

Physics: Rosalina and Luma

Physics is the study of the forces that hold our universe together. Rosalina and Luma, wielding the power of the stars themselves, are a natural fit for your concentration. The complexity of maneuvering two characters at once doesn’t faze you due to your experience with hellishly complicated equations. (Writer’s note: At this point, I couldn’t remember if Rosalina had feet or not, so I made the naive error of Google Image searching “Rosalina feet,” on a public computer, no less. You don’t have to make my mistakes. You don’t have to see what I’ve seen.) However, if the complexity gets to be too much for you, you can always default to flinging star bit projectiles at people. Buttons other than “B” are needlessly complicating the Smash experience, so we’ll just think of them as friction and forget about them.

History: Pac-Man

Pac-Man is a seminal figure in video-game history. Sure, the Tetris block is arguably more iconic, but fitting it into Smash Bros is too tall an order, even for the cartoon logic of the game. This emblem of the past appeals to you as a history major, since you hunger to discover and understand the societies and events that brought the world to where it is today. Pac-Man’s model in Smash also corresponds to some of the tensions in history. The version with arms and legs is not what most of us think of when we hear the name “Pac-Man.” To make him work in Smash Bros, Nintendo had to take what they needed from Pac-Man’s history and minimize the rest (he does return to has classical sphere form for a few attacks, but these are a minority of his moves). Is it possible to get an accurate picture of history, or must the past always be viewed through a subjective lens, at the risk of ignoring important details? Maybe you’ll find out after you stop throwing ghosts at us.

Neuroscience: Palutena

Your concentration focuses on understanding the human brain, a mechanism that has frustrated and fascinated scientists and philosophers for centuries. The sheer power of the knowledge you seek is represented by Palutena, a genuine goddess with the might of he heavens behind her. We may think that we’re Cartesian machines, powered by the soul as our legs power a bicycle, but you know better. Before long, all of us will have to acknowledge the importance of research on the human brain and bow before the light of the goddess. Don’t get all imperious on us, though.

Bonus- Medical Student: Dr. Mario

I never see anyone play as Dr. Mario. Where do all of you med students spend your time? I know most of the med school buildings are down the hill and across the canal, but I somehow still expect to see more of you.

Image by Jason Hu ’15





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