Keeney problems

Recently, fellow blogger Ari Snider ’18 wrote a lovely post about the struggles of being an Andrews resident. He touched on the many issues of life in such a swanky dorm, including distractingly large windows and lackluster water pressure in his personal sink. (True travesties, I know.) After reading the post, I felt it would only be fitting to give some attention to Brown’s largest (and best) freshmen dorm: Keeney. So, without further ado, here are the 10 biggest Keeney problems:

kristen wiig

1. Not being able to swipe into any of the other houses. One of the greatest aspects of life in Keeney is being so close to so many other freshmen. The residential complex used to be completely conjoined; residents were able to access all parts of the dorm by either walking across the quad and swiping in or by simply walking through the hallways (hence the infamous “Keeney crawl”). Renovations in recent years gave the quad a much-needed facelift; changes included re-vamped interiors, brand-new lounges and laundry facilities, a pristine fitness center, and the splitting off of the dorm into three distinct “houses.” While many of the renovations are awesome, this last one has proven to be incredibly infuriating. Though the division of the dorm does foster a greater sense of community in each house, the inability of residents to access other houses is quite a let-down. Imagine having a friend who lives in the same building as you and having to ask that friend to swipe you into their section of the same building. It’s extremely annoying.


2. Never knowing what to expect when going to the bathroom. See above.

beyonce can i live

3. Paper-thin walls. People can hear everything from the hallways, from casual conversations to the Taylor Swift jams you play in your room at 7am on a Tuesday.

patrick spongebob computer

4. Mediocre WiFi. *turns on computer* *uses internet for 10-15 minutes* *connection goes out* *leaves and re-joins network* *repeats every 10-15 minutes*


5. Living in the only freshman dorm without a dining hall in its basement or across its quad. Wayland has the Ratty. Pembroke dorms have the VDub and Andrews Commons. What does Keeney have? Nothing.


6. Never leaving the bathroom with dry hands. They might as well get rid of the hand dryers because they do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.


7. Trying to comprehend the bizarre lighting pattern in the hallways. It just makes no sense.


8. Not being able to go to bed before midnight. It simply does not happen. Especially if your window is on the quad.

cee lo

9. The smell. On a typical afternoon, a Keeney hallway smells like weed with hints of puke, farts, and dead fish. It’s not okay.


10. Puke stains. This one needs no explanation.


Gotta love good ol’ Keeney.

Images via Kevin Haggerty ’18, via, viavia, via Kevin Haggerty ’18, via Kevin Haggerty ’18, via, via, via, and via.


  1. CIS

    We hear you on the wifi, Keeney! We’re planning to upgrade you over winter break – wanted to do it sooner but we have to drill through several feet of concrete in half of the rooms, and we’re pretty sure that’s not how you want to wake up. Hang in there!

  2. Adam

    Hey there,

    There was actually a petition going around last year to grant universal swipe access of Keeney to Keeney Residents. ResLife refused to go along even after they were advised by the Residential Council to grant access because they want to protect their investment in Keeney. Here’s a link to the article written last year about the topic:
    Here’s a link to the Declaration of Keeney Unification:

    I think its a discussion still worth having. There’s a lot of support among the current sophomore class and even among those who lived in Keeney back when it was an open community (i.e. Juniors and Seniors).

Leave a Reply