12 Days of Spring Weekend Sextion: Gettin’ it on the Green


A big crowd is like a private room: no one will see you makin’ out in that mess.

The rules of Spring Weekend are that there are no rules, right? Wrong. While the hook up game may be different than a normal weekend on College Hill, there are a few “do’s and don’t’s” you should abide by.

DO: Make out on the Main Green. It’s truly the ultimate DFMO (MGMO?). While Hudson Mohawke will probably be the best concert for this, as it will probably have the most “clubby” atmosphere, feel free to go for it in the broad daylight of the Saturday concert. I personally feel this is a rite of passage, and something to check off your Brown bucket list. Who wants to leave college without being able to say, “remember that time I made out with [someone completely irrelevant] on the Main Green?!”

DON’T: Do anything more. No one wants to see you getting a blow job on the Main Green as Modest Mouse sings “Float On,” everyone’s favorite middle school jam. My eyes should not be subject to that without my consent, and I will provide you with the same courtesy. Save that for later. Speaking of which…

DON’T: Leave the concert early to go back to someone’s room. There are copious hours after the concert to hook up–don’t miss the main event, which lasts a total of two hours. If your partner doesn’t have a ticket, however, that is a different matter, and up to your discretion (I don’t recommend it though). You can have your own VIP after party later. If you’re single…

DO: Hit up the after parties. While you may be tempted to nom on a Spicy With and pass out in your bed after hours of partying, you have got to rally. Some people actually do go to the concerts to listen to the music (not me, but good for other people!), and may not be interested in being distracted by your mouth. The after parties are a totally different game (think Bonnaroo by day, Ultra by night), though, and you should definitely check out at least one for a different side of Spring Weekend.

DO: Go with the flow. Branch out from your normal hook up buddy. Go dance up on that hottie from your Bio lab. Don’t worry if someone doesn’t text you back; no one is checking their phone anyway. Running around and being crazy is part of SW. Just let whatever happens happen!

DO: Ask for consent! When most of the student body is partying and under some sort of influence, it is extra important to ask for consent. I know you want to go crazy and be DGAF, but better safe than sorry. Spring Weekend memories should be made of fun and friends, not regret.

And this may go without saying, but…

DON’T: Hook up at Binder. Seriously. It’s sacred.

Every year, I vow to hook up with one of the performers. Wish me luck with Hudson. For you, can’t wait to spot your #MGMO (let’s get this trending). I’ll be sending you good vibes all weekend long.

Image via Emily Gilbert ’14.


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