Family Weekend: What we’re afraid of

Portrait of Happy Family Piled Up In Park

The storm is almost here. A hurricane of pinched cheeks and forehead kisses is descending on Brown University as we speak. Parents descend on campus this weekend, and we hope you’re all prepared.

Family Weekend is a beautiful time on campus, when many people are reunited with their beloved birthgivers. But it’s stressful, too. The sudden appearance of your 50-year-old guardian(s) back in your life is often a great reason to stash that bong beneath your bed or delete the texts from that cute guy you met at Jo’s. Why? Because we don’t want our parents finding out about all the random crap we’ve been up to. But we don’t all react in the same way. Some people will delete those texts and leave the bong out, while others will do the opposite. This raises the question: What things are Brown students really afraid of their parents discovering over Parents’ Weekend? This Blog reporter asked 100 random Brown students, and the results are below:

“What are you most afraid of your parents finding out about over Parents’ Weekend?”


Alcohol Use: 19 students out of 100
This isn’t really that surprising. We’re college students and we love to party, but our beloved parents (and BroPo) aren’t typically on board if we’re underage. Expect to see a lot of people frantically hiding handles of vodka Friday afternoon.

Drug Use: 17 students
Alcohol use’s more-relaxed [Ed’s note: But less legal] friend. Drug use, especially marijuana, is pretty common on Brown’s campus, and parents typically aren’t chill with it unless they smoke themselves.

Sex Life: 14 students
College hookups are just a part of life for some people, but parents don’t want to think of us in that light. This number (14 students) is actually a composite of two responses: hookup culture (12 students) and significant others (2 students). Make sure to watch out for the Brown couples trying to cover up their history in time for their parents’ arrival.

Sleep Habits: 9 students
Not surprising.

Academic Issues: 7 students
This reporter actually expected the above number to be higher.

Eating Habits: 5 students
Do they even serve vegetables at the Ratty?

Room Hygiene: 5 students
Your dorm room has to be pretty nasty for this to come up on your radar. Consider getting an industrial vacuum from Home Depot.

Nothing to Hide: 13 students
These students are either really open with their parents or lying. Either way, go you!

Other Responses: 11 students
Let’s break this one down, because these responses were fun as hell.

  • Financial Irresponsibility: 4 students
    Using Dad’s credit card too much or buying a single shirt from Urban Outfitters could land you in this category.
  • Working too Hard: 1 student
    Hiding this problem from your parents will be very relaxing.
  • Tattoo: 1 student
    Oh no.
  • Playing a Dangerous Sport: 1 student
    Hiding new rugby bruises is going to be a dangerous game. Almost as dangerous as rugby.
  • Other People’s Drug Use: 1 student
    If that’s the only thing you have to worry about, stop worrying.
  • All of the Above: 1 student
    BlogDailyHerald has no religious affiliation, but please pray for this student.

Images via and via Albert Brown ’16.

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