How to convince your high school friends college has made you cool

We all love our high school friends, but the distance of college allowed us to grow and change without the constraints of people who knew our high-school selves. Our status as ~college~ students obviously makes us superior as shit, because no parents, no rules, and we’re killing the game. Despite the fact that all of our high school friends are also in college, we still need to prove that we are more college than they are, because let’s be real – it’s all a competition to prove how well adjusted and cool we are.


But on top of wanting to seem hip and awesome, we also want our school to trump theirs in every way possible. It’s the inevitable comparison of colleges, just like the inevitable comparison of Christmas present every year, except a lot more expensive and a lot more pretentious.

It’s easy to flaunt our newfound coolness through carefully edited Instagrams and thoughtfully crafted tweets about how good the dining hall food, but all the fancy facades are gone when the high school friends step on campus. Since Brown only has a Fall Weekend instead of a Fall Break, unlike all other respectable schools, it makes us particularly prone to friends visiting while gallivanting around on their absurdly long break (the longest I’ve heard is one and a half weeks — what???).

In light of that possibility, here are a few DOs and DON’Ts of making sure high school friends know how cool you think you are.


DO make sure that your alcohol supply is on full display in your dorm room. And leave around a few empty bottles while you’re at it. This is your friend’s first impression of the new-college-you, so you have to make sure it’s one that implies near alcoholic.


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DON’T let them see you actually do work. Remember, you want to seem like you have it together (they might report back to your parents) and acting stressed is a dead give away. Plus, it gives the impression that you’re super successful without even trying.

DO condescendingly explain all the Brown abbreviations in the most obnoxious way possible. Yes, it is completely their fault that they did not know the difference between a WPC, Smitty-B, and the GCB.

DO snap after each time they say something vaguely cool/funny/politically charged. They must quickly learn Brown is that school.


DON’T take them anywhere near the SciLi. It will immediately detract any points you’ve earned for having an idyllic campus, especially if you’ve just come from the Main Green. And your friend will definitely make fun of it, and that’s really something that only actual Brown students can do (kinda like when you make fun of a family member).

DO be sure to mention, repeatedly, that Brown is the only college Malia Obama has visited twice. Yeah, that’s right, we’re good enough for the President(‘s daughter).

However, we all know Brown is awesome anyway, so chances are the visit will speak for itself. And if your friend doesn’t leave thinking you are too cool for them to handle, just remember that at Brown, no one cares about that anyway.

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