Let’s be honest: everyone secretly (or not so secretly) dreams that sometime before they graduate, they’ll have at least one Brown Bears Admirers post written about them. And not one of those fake, submitted-by-a-friend-who-thinks-they’re-being-hilarious type of posts. A real, legitimate post by a secret admirer. Who wouldn’t want to know that someone out there is hopelessly pining for them?
Within the Admirers page, however, there are many different types of posts, ranging from full-blown love letters to a lighthearted nod to that cute guy in your math class. Here are six different types of posts you might see on Brown Bears Admirers:
1. The actual crush
The writers of these posts are the real MVPs. They’re willing to put it all out there, letting their crushes know there’s someone who’s really interested in them. These posts are rare, but when they do appear, they’re truly a sight to behold. Likely featuring phrases like “meant for each other” and “a real connection from the moment we met,” these will probably make you roll your eyes, but you’ll still feel that pang of jealousy deep down in your eternally single heart.
Don’t let those crushes stay secret forever!
2. The “I don’t know you, but you’re super hot”
Much more common than posts that praise people for their wonderful souls and strength of character, these are about what’s on the outside. Sometimes you just have to let a person know when they’ve got it goin’ on. These posts can vary from sweet and kind (“you are unspeakably beautiful”) to, let’s just say more crudely put (“literally fuck me”).
3. The TA
A classic is the ode to the insanely attractive yet totally unattainable TA. There are very few outlets through which you can truly express your undying love for your TA, so a Brown Bears Admirers post is a pretty perfect way to let them know just how much time you’re spending not looking at the board. An in case you want to take it further than just a post…
4. The friend
A good number of posts are from friends who just want to let their pals know how great they are. This is always a cute gesture, unless you’re one of those horrible people who decides to pretend to be a real admirer. HOW DARE YOU PLAY WITH OUR HEARTS LIKE THAT.
5. The “I met you once and I must see you again”
Everyone’s had that moment when they randomly meet someone and have a surprisingly great interaction, only never to see that person again. No matter how hard they look, that person is nowhere to be found. As the great JBiebs would say, “Where are Ü now that I need you?” In a romantic attempt to find that potential soulmate, many people turn to Brown Bears Admirers. These posts usually end up being pretty vague, saying something like “To that guy I met at 3 a.m. with a bike by the Main Green,” but who knows? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
(sidenote: I would love to know if any relationship situation has actually come about as a result of one of these posts)
6. The self-admirer
Shout-out to that one person who decided enough is enough with all this waiting around business. It’s about time we stepped up and loved ourselves. We’re strong, independent students, and we don’t need no anonymous admirers telling us what we already know! (Although I’m not saying a nice little ego boost is unappreciated…)