Sextion: Are you going to get it this break?


Let’s all face facts: Winter break is long. Ridiculously long. You’re going to find yourself getting very bored and probably even very horny. With all that free time, winter break is a great time to get down with that ex you still talk to, that one person in high school you always had a thing for, or someone you never noticed before but who really glo’d up since the last time you saw them.

But how likely are you to get with your back-home bae (whoever that may be) this break?

Note: One of the bloggers took this quiz, got a 100%, and has already hooked up with the guy she had in mind while taking it. Does that mean that this quiz is science? Yes.


What do your results mean?

0%: Well, shit. I’m sorry. One of you isn’t coming home for break and there’s nothing this young sex blogger can change about that. Distance. It’s a killjoy.

10%: Damn. The situation is looking pretty dismal. Either you know they’re just not that into you, or the fling between you two ended badly. But you’re the fucking best and you do not need to be chasing this person around your hometown. Expand your sexual horizons far away from this person!


20%: So you think they’re interested in you, but they’re getting with someone else. I don’t want you feeling like anyone’s second choice, so steer clear.

30%: The biggest issue for you is time. The thing between you two didn’t end badly, but it did end a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. If you see them at a party, flirt a little and see if they reciprocate, but do not text them to hang out. It’s been a while since you two last spoke and inviting them to chill out of the blue would probably seem a little strange. Unless you’re absolutely determined to get it, in which case, I respect your resolve.

40%: You think they are interested in you, but you two have not been talking recently for no real reason. Have you lost interest in them? Don’t you think you would’ve made an effort to talk to them if you were really into it? I recommend some long, hard (no pun intended) reflection before you put time and effort into trying to pursue this person.

50%: You get 50-50 odds because it’s all on you to make the first move, my friend. You’ve been in contact this semester, which is huge, but you haven’t made any plans to hang. If you want to get with them, the ball’s in your court. Ask them to go to one of the many great movies coming out this break (Star Wars, The Revenant, The Hateful Eight, etc.) with you!

60%: Not yet? Yet? My, my, don’t you seem sure that you two will see each other. Don’t let yourself get too cocky. Until those plans are solidified, you’ve got nothing. But don’t let me discourage you: just actually make plans to hang and you’re golden.

70%: OooOOOooooOoOoh, damn. Y’all already have plans? This is happening. Either you’ve hooked up before and you’ve made friendly plans, which is promising as hell, or you’ve never hooked up but you think they’re interested in you, which is equally promising. I’m excited for you!!

80%: You may not talk to them, but you did not end your relationship/hookup/whatever-that-was badly, so I, for one, believe in you. Send them a text. Since you’re still on friendly terms, you should be able to just hang out without it being weird and your thing was recent enough that you’re sure to still have things to talk about. This could get very fun very fast.


90%: You’ve hooked up, you still flirt with each other, and short of both of you saying outright, “I need you,” you’re as close as possible to certainty. Have fun, you crazy kids. It’s happening.

100%: You’re such an asshole!! You did not need to take this quiz! You have both already openly admitted that you want to hook up. So you know you’re getting it. Hell, you’re probably already getting it as I write this. Lucky you!! (I’m half extremely jealous, half proud of you.)

Regardless of the percentage you got, I hope you have a GREAT break.



Image via Jokichi Matsubara ’18, via, and via.





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