Sextion: Different exes you see over break


Hi everyone!

New year, new photo! “Cool for the Semester” definitely had to go now that the semester is over and it’s cold(ish) outside.

I am so psyched to be back. Break was long. If we are going to be honest, it got really boring. And what do people do when they’re bored and single and college-aged? Hit up their exes. These run-ins can be excruciatingly uncomfortable, super fun, or even just plain forgettable. Most ex stories I’ve heard from this break fall into the following categories that I’ve recorded for your procrastinating pleasure.

The Super Nostalgic One: Often found at those not-so-fun parties back home that you feel obligated to attend so as not to seem like a Netflix-hermit, the Super Nostalgic Ex just wants to reminisce. You two haven’t hooked up since the 10th grade and haven’t spoken since the 11th, but the Super Nostalgic (and Pretty Damn Drunk) Ex is determined to tell you that “you’re the one who got away.” They insist, in fact. It’s flattering, but you’re just sitting there trying to remember if you even really “dated” this like they say you did.

foolThis is how the Super Nostalgic Ex feels the next day when they wake up, sober, and remembers what they said to you.

The Desperate One: Though easily mistaken for the Super Nostalgic Ex, the Desperate Ex is special because of their persistence. Known to send double texts, hit you up after months or years of not talking, and insist upon “chilling” just the two of you, the Desperate Ex is blatant about their intentions. If you are no longer into them, it can be extremely off-putting.


Actual texts my ex sent me over break.

(Yes, I know I’m a bad person for my utter lack of response.)

The One Who Reminds You Why You Broke Up With Them: The Ex Who Reminds You Why You Broke Up With Him is fun and exciting at first. They’re so fun and exciting, in fact, that you even find yourself wondering, “Why did I ever break up with them?” And then they do it. That exact annoying/rude/awful thing that made you break up with them. My ex sent me a text asking me to go out to dinner the next day. But then, only hours before our maybe-date, he bails, which immediately reminds me: “Ohhhhh. Right. I broke up with him because he flakes on every. plan. ever.” Ah ha, mystery solved! Thank you for the extremely brief blast from the past!

The One Whom You Think of as “The One Who Got Away:” You see their name pop up on your phone. Whether they’re asking you on a date, just trying to say hi, or accidentally texting the wrong person, you still had a mini heart attack of joy and, for that, The One Who Got Away, we thank you.

The Perfect One: You two have the perfect arrangement going: you hook up over breaks (winter, spring, summer, the whole shebang) because you clearly have great sexual chemistry, but you really don’t get into each other’s business while you’re at your respective schools. Neither of you cares if you get with other people during the school year, but when you see each other over breaks it’s like nothing’s changed between you two. Damn you. You’re livin’.


You’re right, gif, I am. That’s a DOPE situation.

I hope you all had interesting run-ins with your exes, too!

Good luck with shopping period.


Demisexual Lovato

Image via Albert Brown ’16, via, and via.

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