The Nelson Safari

Welcome to the jungle. As we begin our tour, I will be pointing out just 10 of the many weird, exciting, and beautiful things that make a safari tour of the Nelson everything that it is.

  1. That random person who is working out in jeans and a button-down shirt.

That cannot be comfortable. Aren’t you sweaty? Don’t you feel constricted? But, hey, mad props to you for pulling it off.

  1. That person taking up the last available treadmill with a good view of the TV screen while walking at 2.0 mph and texting on their phone.

Ah, the wonders of modern technology.

  1. That one guy who blew his nose with alcohol wipes that one time.

At least he had some very clean nostrils.

  1. That person who has been in the same yoga pose for so long that you’re worried they’ve fallen asleep.

Should I do a casual walk-by to double check? Ah, but the water fountains are the other way, and I don’t really like the machines over there. Should I tap their shoulder? Are they alive??

  1. Those swole people who seem to spend so long flexing and staring at their massive muscles that you don’t know how they got swole in the first place.

I know you’re jacked, but how did you get that way when your workout-to-break ratio is 1:20? Please share your secrets. Sincerely, The Noodle-Armed Folk.

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  1. That one person who was listening to earbuds that were connected to…an iPad.

How did they manage to fit that into their pockets, you ask? They didn’t. They stuck it in the back of the elastic waistband of their sweatpants, and I was waiting for it to fall any second for that entire visit to the gym.

  1. That one person who was listening to earbuds that were connected to…nothing.

Me: “Hey! Aren’t we in the same English class?”

Them: *silence*

Me: “Uhhh, the other end of your earbuds are dangling out of your pocket…”

Them: *starts bobbing head along with imaginary song*

  1. Those people who aggressively row on the ergs, but clearly don’t know what they are doing.

To be honest, I also don’t know what I am doing. I’m told that it’s actually all about the legs, but everything seems to hurt for me.

  1.  All the fit people who totally know what they’re doingTumblr GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
  2.  All the other newbies who clearly don’t.
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I relate on a spiritual level.

Now that we have completed our tour, I hope you realize what an amazing and wonderful place the Nelson Safari is. Every visit is an adventure, and we hope that you’ll come again soon!


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