People You’ll See In Your Lecture

The Stenographer:

This person started typing the second the professor said “hi.” This is the person making that loud keyboard sound ALL THE FUCKING TIME. This person sure as hell is making up facts to make note of because WHY WOULD YOU COPY THE ENTIRE SYLLABUS IF ITS POSTED ON CANVAS??


The Social Influencer:

This person is scrolling through Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter, while simultaneously sexting multiple people, for the entirety of lecture right in front of you. Of course, you couldn’t help but eavesdrop every single second.

“IF You Don’t Click You Lose”:

All this person wants is the clicker points. This person will show up to class and stay ONLY to the point of the iClicker question and then will march out triumphantly (in some cases right in front of the professor) to watch the lecture capture at 2x speed the night before the midterm.


♪Dazed And Confused♪:

This person fell behind on the 2nd day of class and now the benzenes on the board look like weird hexagons with random lines and circles in between.

                           ♪Been dazed and confused for so long, everyday I rue

                             Wanted a credit, Never Bargained For You

(If you don’t understand this reference ask your Parents)

Perpetually Late:

This is the person that makes the loud door sound you hear 30 minutes into class, causing you to “begrudgingly” turn and observe.

Late Front Seater:

This person got here 10 minutes late but will do anything to sit in the middle of the front row. This person is intimately familiar with the gymnastics of crossing through a sea of legs to get to the absolute center of class. This person will even cross paths with the professor if they have to.

Dozing and Subdued:

This person was up all night and still couldn’t get their work done. But sheer willpower and copious amounts of caffeine means they will not miss a single lecture (OR ICLICKER POINT) even if they are definitely asleep half the time, working on a problem set from another class or completely dead inside.

The Flexer:

This person knows all the material but in a desperate attempt to prove that they’re smarter than all of your dumb asses. Guaranteed to ask the “most brilliant question ever.”


The HighTech Guy:

This person rolled in on a boosted board, while facetiming on the iPhone Xs max. They started out taking notes on the latest and greatest iPad Pro but now takes notes on a holographic pad that directly imprints all the notes directly in their brain. Definitely super rich.

The Sounding Snacker:

Chips for breakfast? Why not?!! But trying pulling out the bag of chips from your Andrews pizza combo last night as quietly as possible and then….

Tip: Try fruit next time?


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