WTF is happening on the Main Green? Earth Day

Happy Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day!

On your way to Monday morning class, you might have noticed a large balloon: 1 Ton CO2. It’s Earth Day, and on-campus environmental groups have banded together in the umbrella group emPower for a day of fun.

We’re not sure how detrimental the giant balloon is to the environment, but the event is advertised as carbon-free. It features locally produced soda, PVD Pudding Pops, and a bike-powered smoothie blender. They also offer free massages from BURP. FREE!

Regardless of whether you attend the event, you won’t be able to miss the gigantic gaseous display as you cross the Main Green.

Happy Earth Day, Earth! Have a balloon.


RAIN CALL: OUTDOOR SPRING WEEKEND

Rain or shine, I'll see you outside.

Rain or shine, I’ll see you outside.

The proverbial Brunonian Groundhog Anthony White has spoken: both Spring Weekend concerts will be outdoors this year! While the forecast for Spring Weekend is still gloomy, we will be dancing outdoors to A-Trak and Kendrick Lamar this year— rain or shine. So long, Meehan: welcome, Main Green!

Additional tickets will be sold Today at 2 p.m. to those who couldn’t purchase them on Monday or Tuesday. Tomorrow, guest tickets will open at 8a.m. We will be able to purchase up to three tickets total.

See you in the possible sunshine!

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The Host: ADOCH

Stephanie Meyer's "The Host"  was actually based on ADOCH.

Stephanie Meyer’s “The Host” was actually based on ADOCH.

You signed up to host ADOCH. You didn’t mean to do it, it just sort of slipped out–your friend, ex-lover, or obnoxious hallmate accosted you on the Main Green and how could you say no? We were all desperate and dazed pre-frosh once upon a time…

Flash forward a couple of weeks later and two overeager 17-year-olds are on your dormstep, sleeping bags in hand and gap-toothed, bracey smiles on their faces. (In my mind, most pre-frosh are in dire need of orthodontia.) It’s your responsibility to make sure the little parasites are clothed, sent to bed at a proper hour, and get out of ADOCH alive.

We all love our pre-frosh, and welcome them to Brown. It’s the best place to be. But it’s also a busy place to be, and some of us can’t help resenting the little freeloaders pre-frosh the morning after when we’re rushing to class and we trip over their young, virulent, sleeping bodies.

When I was a host, my roommate and I decided to have some fun with it. Here are some ill-advised wonderful suggestions to make your pre-frosh visit just a little more memorable…

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The aurora is coming, the aurora is coming!

Not just for the polar bears.

Not just for the polar bears.

Or so we think. We always knew that Providence was pretty far North—hello, winter went on for forever—but we didn’t realize that this was an Arctic kind of deal.

A solar flare that occurred at 2 a.m. Thursday is estimated to reach the Northern states at… well, 8 p.m. tonight. That’s in less than an hour. Vibrant colors are expected to show in New York, the Dakotas, Washington, and possibly as far South as Pennsylvania. We’re definitely in range.

Go outside. Seeing the Northern Lights has always been on my bucket list. It’s time to cross it off.

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Gunman reported on URI campus

gunman

UPDATE: WPRI reported that police found a Nerf gun in Chafee Hall, and that “investigators believe there was never a gun or an active shooter.” Nevertheless, they are continuing to search the building.

Police and the University of Rhode Island are investigating reports of an alleged gunman on campus. According to the Associated Press, the gunman was spotted near Chafee Hall at URI. Classes have been cancelled in the South Kingston campus and URI students are urged to stay indoors. Keep them in your thoughts, and stay safe.

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RETURN OF SUPER HEAVY PETTING

BABY

The bunnies are back. But am I ready for motherhood?

THE BUNNIES ARE BACK!

As the sun sets on our spring break reprieve, we wake up today a doleful dawn. But shall we languish away, lugubrious, powerless against the tide of finals and papers that awaits us until the Amnesty of Spring Weekend? No! For the University has brought us a bountiful gift of bunnies to ameliorate our heartache. The return of SUPER HEAVY PETTING is today, folks, as a welcome back and welcome to spring. It will begin at 11 a.m. and continue until 2 p.m. today on Wriston.

I wish. But let’s return to that most magical experience. Some of my worthy peers may remember the Heavy Petting event that happened about a month ago. I, for one, have vivid memories of that fateful day:

I exited the Ratty. They stared at me with deep-set, knowing eyes, wrapped up in a blanket like the cheese-and-bean burrito I had just consumed. I stood transfixed, as their eyes followed me, questioning, contemplating, wondering.

Suddenly, my boots had a life of their own. They took off, running towards the Bunny Burritos. Pass me the bunny, bitch, I growled to a pony-tailed freshman. I lifted the cauliflower-colored bunny into my arms, and cradled it like my baby. Continue Reading