Tips to Make it Out of Finals Alive (On the Inside, As Well!)

Stress-beating tips from someone who isn’t qualified to give tips about stress-beating

DISCLAIMER: This is me reminding you that I don’t have a degree in medicine and/or psychology (yet)- just lots of advice that has worked for people I know.

(I’ll try to leave out the obvious ones.  I mean, everyone knows you should eat right and sleep enough.)


So… It’s officially that time of the year again. You know the one. The one where the sun sets at 4 pm and the only thing looking darker than the sky is your future. Yup, it’s finals season. Joy. Well, I don’t know about you guys, but being a procrastinator and/or a perfectionist especially sucks this time of the year. From a certified perfectionist, here are a few tips about \ beating the stress. I know they work because I haven’t used most of them and I’m always stressed, so:


Seriously. As long as you’re getting 6+ hours, it doesn’t matter if you go to bed at 4 am or 11 pm. As long as you’re not missing anything important (and most important things end before reading period), you can sleep into the day. Setting hard deadlines on a night will only stress you out- besides, no one else gets to tell you when you should be most productive. TIME IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT.

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Unlucky in Love: Valentine’s Day for the Bitter Singles

Don't pretend it's not true.

If you’re at all like me, then the only good part of Valentine’s Day is all the chocolate that goes on sale February 15th. Whether you’re happily single or forever alone, Valentine’s Day is essentially a holiday created to remind you of something you don’t have. For some reason, everything becomes more disgusting on Valentine’s Day: I may own a closetful of hot pink and I may love romantic comedies, but on Valentine’s Day, they each make me want to vomit.

It’s easiest to avoid the Valentine’s Day blues if you’ve got single friends with whom to spend the day, but we can’t all be so lucky. You can’t really have a girls’ night with only one girl. So what should you do to occupy your time? Well, there’s always the SciLi, but if the idea of actually being productive through your wallowing doesn’t appeal to you, we’ve got some ideas for a Valentine’s Day all by your lonesome.

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Eight great AWKWARD Family Weekend scenarios

Courtesy of Awkward Family Photos

Let’s face it, the merging of your college life and family culture can often times result in catastrophe.  Here are a few situations that we recommend you try to steer clear of, if possible:

  1. Dad attempts to speak to your Hispanic roommate in broken and insultingly horrific Spanish. Awkwardo.
  2. Mom sports a fanny pack and insists to refer to huge campus map while walking around. Classic.
  3. At dinner (if Asian restaurant = wokward), you and your family wind up sitting next to the family of someone with whom you have a sexual history. Cockward.
  4. If you’re a guy: family member finds a sticky remnant of a lonely night. Sockward.
  5. Your pre-teen brother/sister (what a punk) changes your Facebook status to something personal and embarrassing. Social Netwarkward.
  6. Dad finds your piece. Game.
  7. Mom finds a used condom while making your bed. Set.
  8. Younger sibling sees the used condom that Mom discovers. Match.


Prepare properly for the arrival of your family. If, however, your family doesn’t love you and will not be here this weekend, be on the lookout for these awkward episodes all over campus and relish them.

No boyfriends, and no laptops

In a NY Times column aimed at college freshmen, advice is dispensed “from the people who actually grade their papers and lead their discussions.” TAs from across the country unite to tell you what you need to hear.

  • Do brush up on your cultural literacy. “Don’t know what classical music is all about? That’s bad. Don’t know who Lady Gaga is? That’s worse.”
  • Don’t bring your computer to class. “You’re a student, not a court reporter.”
  • Do start fresh. Still dating your high school significant other? “Break up.”
  • Don’t settle for more of the same. “Date someone of a different race or religion. (And no, hooking up at a party doesn’t count.)”
  • Do calm the hell down. “Be comfortable with the fact that you don’t know anything.”

Looking for a leg up on those papers?

It’s crunch time. Everyone’s suffering with exams and papers. Many are probably wondering if there’s a no-effort way to boost their grade a bit. And for those working on papers, there may be.

An incredibly unscientific study was conducted by a sixth semester college student who had used three fonts on the 52 papers he had completed for school so far. After going back through his old work, he found that his papers in Times New Roman got an average of A-, those in Trebuchet MS got an average of B-, and those in Georgia got an average of A.

His conclusion? Maybe Georgia gets you higher grades.

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Thanks, DPS

Presumably aboard a T3 Motion Scooter, Brown DPS just sent an e-mail this afternoon to the campus about safety during reading period/finals. While I know they’re just trying to be helpful, I can’t help but think that some of their advice will be misconstrued:

Trust your instincts.
If your head says no, but your body says yes, just go with it.

Pay attention to your surroundings.
If you’re walking to the V-Dub, don’t forget to stop at Spiritus on the way.

Stay in populated, well-lit areas.
Raves are good.  Libraries, not so much.

There is safety in numbers.
If somebody else is doing something, it’s OK. Remember, it’s not illegal if an entire posse is violating the law.