Shit we love: Sriracha Vodka

UV_Sriracha_BottleSriracha is in trouble.

First, a judge ruled that Huy Fong Food’s Southern California Sriracha plant must shut down due to neighbor’s complaints that the smell caused headaches. Then, Dining Services implemented a rule barring the usage of spicy with sauces on anything but spicy withs. Say goodbye to your divine 1:30 a.m. Sriracha and fries.

But, just when we thought all was lost, in swoops Phillips Distilling Company to save the day. This insane and delusional genius company decided enough was enough. Someone needed to combine college students’ two favorite liquids. Introducing…UV Sriracha Vodka.

The visionary director of research and development at Phillips, Jim Aune, describes the best pair since peanut and jelly as a “blend of chili peppers, garlic and vegetables.” Sounds like the perfect pre-hook up drink to me! While everyone is probably dying to drink that enticing blend straight, Aune suggests adding it to a bloody mary or any other savory drink.

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Drunk/Sober/High: Freshman Laundry Night

Last Sunday, three brave freshman souls ventured into a deep, dark place: the laundry room of a Pembroke dormitory. One faced the challenge of drunken stupor, another was cast under the spell of an herbal tendency, and the third, and perhaps bravest soul of all, stood bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, intoxicated only by his anticipation for the night that lay ahead. Here is their story (unfortunately, it’s 100% true… literally, 100%).

**The peaks and nadirs of this blurry night were chronicled by a Spotify playlist crafted with love and affection. Click on the hyperlinks throughout the post to truly vibe with Drunk, Sober and High’s experience. Yes, we listened to a lot of Joni Mitchell.**

9:35 p.m.: Drunk, after taking two shots of unidentified water bottle alcohol alone, heads over to Sober’s room.

9:42 p.m.: Drunk sends High aggressive text messages…

 First aggressive text messages of the night9:48 p.m.: Sober pressures Drunk into a third shot. He reminds Drunk that by the end of the night, she is also expected to finish the five Blue Moons awaiting her in his fridge.

9:54 p.m.: Sober is overheard saying to Drunk, “On a scale from one to yakking, I want you to be at an eight.” Fourth shot is imbibed.

10:15 p.m.: High arrives unannounced, interrupting Sober and Drunk’s intense discussion of vintage sweatshirts.

10:18 p.m.: “I’m definitely vibing right now.” –High

10:22 p.m.: “I am a shameless encourager of their intoxication.” –Sober

10:26 p.m.: “We need to do laundry.” –Drunk

10:30 p.m.: Hi-Chew is currently a point of contention. High and Drunk will do whatever they can to get their hands on that mango-flavored goodness. Sober proclaims, “You must unlock the Hi-Chew via higher levels of intoxication.”

10:34 p.m.: Drunk mistakes Japanese eraser for Hi-Chew and begins to consume.

10:37 p.m.: Conversation ensues.

Drunk: “I’m nervous I’m going to make all of my whites pink.”

High: “I did that to other people’s laundry while sober the other day.” Continue Reading

Frosh-cessities: Ten things a freshman learns from Spring Weekend

Spring Weekend lesson from Furby - bring a cup (drank)

Spring Weekend lesson brought to you by Furby: bring a cup (drank)

The slip and slide on Wriston has soapy foam on it: Simple, but now that we know we are definitely rinsing off before class/bringing a towel. The foam party was so two years ago…

Marching bands are sick:  I didn’t think there would be much excitement around opening acts, but getting to the concert early on Friday meant dancing like a maniac for a solid half hour or more. Students got down on the cement with the drummers and pretended they were at Mardi Gras. They made eye contact with the trumpeter and almost got decapitated by the chick with the cymbals… and it was worth every minute. What Cheer? Brigade should come back every year. They are that brassy beat that’s missing from our lives.

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Students who do cool things: Cape Commons Beer Co.


As we speak, Lily Ricci and Vic Bartash, both ’13, are walking on treadmills in the Nelson Fitness Center. They’ve been doing so since 8 a.m. to raise both awareness about lack of accessibility of clean water and money for their brewery startup. Cape Commons Beer Company, Ricci and Bartash’s project, aims to produce great beer while raising money to invest in clean water resources. So far, they have raised over $4,000 in their Indiegogo campaign, but still have a ways to go in the next three weeks to reach the $35,000 dollar goal necessary to get their signature Cape Commons Lager produced commercially.

So, how can you help? Well, Ricci and Bartash are hitting the treadmills to get your attention. Donate $30 while they’re walking (until 8 p.m. tonight), and you’ll score a free Cape Commons Beer tank. You can also comment a song on their LiveStream (link here) and they will dance to it for 30 seconds while on the treadmill. In other words, they are willing to work pretty hard for your money. Oblige them.

Woman gets stuck in microscopic gap between two buildings on Thayer

No, seriously. I don't see a gap.

What gap?

No, we’re not kidding. The Providence Journal reported that around 1 a.m. on November 9, an allegedly inebriated 22-year-old URI student got stuck in the 8- to 9-inch crack gap between City Sports and FedEx Kinko’s on Thayer Street.

… WTF? Well, just you wait. It gets weirder. She was found trapped horizontally approximately two feet above the ground. That’s some Houdini shit, except for the fact that she couldn’t escape. Acting Battalion Fire Chief Jeffrey Varone reported that she attempted to use the gap as a shortcut when she got caught and started crying for help. A passerby heard her yells and called the police.

So far in my Brown education, there has been a lot of emphasis on analyzing current situations while simultaneously figuring out the circumstances that led to said situations. So the real question is where was she trying to go and why? I speculate her thought process went like this:

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HALLOWHISKO: A narrative in GIFs

Tonight, hundreds of scantily clad college students will converge on a small waterfront bar. I could use any amount of witticisms to describe this monumental moment, but you know what they say: a picture is worth a thousand words — but a GIF is worth a million. Will the sequence below roughly describe your night? One can only hope.

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