Weather you like it or not: Winter Storm Athena is coming

That crafty, cunning bitch. Gray-eyed Athena in all her metis has crafted a winter storm and will proceed into battle with the Northeast tonight just a little over week after we had to deal with the rowdy Sandy (Cohen).

Conditions will include rain mixed with snow, wind gusts over 50 mph, and temperatures in the low 30s, all products of the goddess’ detailed, calculated work.

There’s no way to hold this storm back: while Sandy (Cohen) may have been easily distracted by the presence of bagels, the helmet-wearing, spear-bearing Athena means business. Don’t even try to seduce her… the virginal goddess won’t budge. Hephaestus tried it before, and trust us, it didn’t work. Everyone on Olympus made fun of him, and they’ll make fun of you too.

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