Neighborhood extreme sports enthusiasts capture John Street Masturbator

Four neighborhood riders on a mission captured the infamous John Street Masturbator last night at approximately 8/7 Central.  The thrilling pursuit involved a skateboard chase down John Street, a gnarly surf adventure through downtown Providence’s canals, a quick burger break with Tito and finally a rollerskate race down I-95. It all ended when the four extraordinarily active kids in play position caught up with the fleeing peeper and gave the JSM the kind of wet willy he isn’t accustomed to.

The JSM is currently in police custody, but one of the capturers, Maurice ‘Twister’ Rodriguez, an aspiring videographer, was able to obtain the following image for those wishing to identify him: Continue Reading


#whatshouldwecallme: BlogDailyGerald Edition

Who loves #whatshouldwecallme? We love #whatshouldwecallme. Here’s Part Two.

WHEN I HAVE ENOUGH QUARTERS TO DO LAUNDRY
And I’m like,

WHEN I’M AT THE OMELETTE BAR
And I’m like,

Continue Reading


Pickles to make an appearance at Hillel seder

Dil Pickles’ publicist announced today that he and his family will make the trek from Hollywood to celebrate Passover with the Brown Jewish community at Brown/RISD Hillel April 6.

As part of the Pickles’ contract, Hillel has agreed to provide a community playpen for all to enjoy, along with a kosher dinner and matzah.

Rumors are swirling about the Pickles’ propensity to break out into Passover-themed song. There is also speculation that the family will attend Hillel’s Musical Seder. Sources close to the Pickles have confirmed that, during their visit, they will hold a dramatic reading of Let My Babies Go! A Passover Story.

See tomorrow’s Herald for full coverage.


Stoop Kid is afraid to leave his stoop!

… because his stoop is the porch outside of Faunce, and he’s a Lucky Strike-smoking, Wayfarer-sporting hamster. He even brought his rickety armchair in expectation of more unseasonably warm weather! After all, classy iron chairs are, like, so mainstream…