The Host: ADOCH

Stephanie Meyer's "The Host"  was actually based on ADOCH.

Stephanie Meyer’s “The Host” was actually based on ADOCH.

You signed up to host ADOCH. You didn’t mean to do it, it just sort of slipped out–your friend, ex-lover, or obnoxious hallmate accosted you on the Main Green and how could you say no? We were all desperate and dazed pre-frosh once upon a time…

Flash forward a couple of weeks later and two overeager 17-year-olds are on your dormstep, sleeping bags in hand and gap-toothed, bracey smiles on their faces. (In my mind, most pre-frosh are in dire need of orthodontia.) It’s your responsibility to make sure the little parasites are clothed, sent to bed at a proper hour, and get out of ADOCH alive.

We all love our pre-frosh, and welcome them to Brown. It’s the best place to be. But it’s also a busy place to be, and some of us can’t help resenting the little freeloaders pre-frosh the morning after when we’re rushing to class and we trip over their young, virulent, sleeping bodies.

When I was a host, my roommate and I decided to have some fun with it. Here are some ill-advised wonderful suggestions to make your pre-frosh visit just a little more memorable…

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Frosh-cessities: When it comes to partying, how much is too much?

Party party party

Much like our elusive Luna Lovebad, I went to SexPowerGod last Saturday. However, the experience was not nearly as sexy for me, considering the only ‘person’ I hooked up with was the toilet.  At 4 a.m., I Skyped my mother so she could lecture me (from across state lines, mind you) about the error of my wild ways. Mommy reminded me that I did not come to Brown for the sole purpose of getting shitfaced every day  weekend.  Are you feeling particularly exhausted during the week? Are you struggling to put the necessary amount of effort into your studies?  My fellow freshmen, here are some tell-tale signs that you are stuck in orientation la-la land and probably would benefit from taking a night—or even a weekend—off:

  • If you are in danger of flunking ENGN9.
  • If it takes you five shots to get the same level of inebriation that one shot got you to in high school. Continue Reading