Drunk/Sober/High: Fifty Shades of Grey

fifty shades of bear

*SPOILER ALERT: Fifty Shades of Grey pretty much sucks, no matter how intoxicated you are*

Also, this is our first ever virtual Drunk/Sober/High. The writers saw the movies in separate locations (due to the long weekend), but still, of course, remained faithful to their respective substance (or lack thereof). 

Before the show

D: I sort of failed at pre-gaming for this film, so my friend and I took a ¾ full handle of vodka into the movie theater. Somehow, despite sitting in the front row, we did not get booted out of the theater. We also didn’t boot. The latter might be more surprising.

S: I can’t believe I’m actually at a movie theater on Valentine’s Day waiting to watch Fifty Shades. Is this real life? I look around and the theater’s pretty empty; I get there about 15 minutes early, thinking that it’ll be packed because the hype was so real, but there are probably less than 20 people there, most of whom are couples who, I’d guess, have been married for at least ten years. I’m suddenly extremely paranoid–what if parents that I know show up? What if they’re already here? What if they see me? What if I see them? I glance down the aisle and notice one couple my age sitting a few rows up and I ask myself the following question: in what world would anyone ever see this movie as a date?

H: Upon arriving to the mall, we made a bee line to the food court, snuck Chinese Food combo dinners under our coats, and found our seats in the way back of the theater. I saw quite a few other Brown students there, and I tried calling their names to get their attention but apparently I was only whispering. We smoked again in the theater; we realized we had great neighbors when we heard, “get it girl” after my friend stifled a cough.

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Time-waster of the day: October 23, 2012

I was on a train from Providence to NYC a few weeks ago. About an hour into the journey, I accidentally unplugged my headphones from my phone and the music I was listening to started to play out loud. Unfortunately, this came a few days after an extensive discussion amongst BlogDH writers about the most embarrassing music we listened to in middle school, and I had subsequently relapsed into my former full-fledged emo/pop punk addiction. I looked around in horror as JT Woodruff, lead singer of Hawthorne Heights, whined “cut my wrists and black my eyes” for the whole train to hear.

The woman sitting next to me glanced up from her book and shot me a look of utter disdain and judgement. She then returned to reading FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. I was judged by a woman unapologetically reading a novelization of pornography in public for (temporarily) having a terrible taste in music. Thankfully, BuzzFeed compiled a wonderful assortment of images depicting other people “reading” the book in public, solidifying the fact that it is a truly embarrassing undertaking. Take that, dammit!

Sociology class includes Fifty Shades of Grey in course reading list

People go about shopping period in many different ways. Some people rely on the advice of their friends. Some people just stalk their way through it. Some people are engineers. Maybe you’re like me and you just live on Banner for a few days until you find a course that seems interesting. Imagine my surprise when happening upon the single fastest-selling novel of all time in the book list for a course.

That rare collision of labor and leisure.

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