Wanna see if you can get an S with Distinction?

BlogDH Presents: A very Brown Valentine

Singles Appreciation Day got you down? If you’ve got that special someone and are trying to find the right words to describe your feelings (besides thirsty), BlogDH has got you covered. Check out these very special Brown valentines.

1. Let me describe my feelings with food

If you like it you should put a (onion) ring on it

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It’s delicious…F’real, man.

F’real experienced brief success as a child rapper in the ’90s

Seen this logo on placards in the Blue Room? On napkin holders in the Ivy Room? Seen that futuristic-looking blue machine in the Campus Market? Well, connect the dots next time. Turns out the machine makes super delicious, David Hasselhoff-endorsed smoothies/milkshakes from F’real.

Think a McFlurry but with a slightly more boutique feel and just as many calories (more on this later). You pick a flavor from the freezer – smoothie flavors include mango and strawberry banana; milkshake flavors include mint chip, vanilla, caramel chocolate crunch (limited edition!), and cookies and cream – get the magical silver cup in position, and watch it go to work. You even get to witness a weirdly hilarious, stylized imagination of what’s going on inside the machine on an LED screen: an attractive woman in a flannel throws in some fruit, Santa throws in some milk; you get the picture. It’s the Terminator’s answer to tipping at Coldstone Creamery. You see that picture below? That’s “F’reality.” It’s scary.

Clearly this is what George Lucas has planned for the next Indiana Jones movie

Now, to the buzz-kill. Caramel chocolate crunch was delicious. 620 calories of delicious. The other shakes tend to run 550 calories (about half from fat, a scary percentage of your daily saturated fat intake). If you can’t tell, F’real loves your arteries. In fact, at $3.69 a pop, I would say this gives a spicy with a run for its money on the ratio of calories per cent spent. For a (relatively) lighter choice, the smoothies run a somewhat more reasonable 260 calories.

Oh, and did I mention that the Campus Market in the basement of Faunce is giving out free samples from noon to 2:00 p.m. today, with a raffle for a free F’real t-shirt? #FreeFoodDigest.

Images via and via.