Health Services Only Prescribes Tylenol

Sometimes I feel like Health Services doesn’t exist in the human realm. Every time that I walk through their uselessly heavy doors, I feel myself being transported to another universe. One where, presumably, the definition of what constitutes “helpful medical advice” are far laxer.

I visited Health Services this week because I had body aches, a headache, a sore throat, and nausea. The doctor that came into see me asked if I had tried taking Tylenol. “Yeah, a couple hours earlier, but it didn’t really help,” I mustered, millions of viral particles exploding from my orifices with every syllable. She looked me up and down, a pensive glint in her eye, and said “Well, you know what, taking Tylenol is probably the only thing you can really do right now. Oh, and drink more water.” With this sage advice, I was ushered out — a few disposable thermometers thrust into my hand, the door slamming behind me.

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Healthy living, as told by Health Services brochures

Health Services can get bogged down treating all of the students on campus, particularly during cold season, which seems to extend from September to May. Some people have experienced a longer than preferred sit in the waiting area whilst picking up a prescription or prior to a doctor’s appointment, but you also may have noticed the wide array of informative pamphlets available for pleasure reading. While waiting for the doctor, we have looked through almost all of the pamphlets, and, in classic BlogDH fashion, are providing you with a top-notch summary. Here’s what you might’ve missed if you’ve never visited a nurse/live in a plastic bubble.


1. You should ingest around 2300mg of salt per day, or one teaspoon. For terrifying, college-relevant reference, 1/2 a block of prepared Ramen noodles is between 800 and 900mg of sodium, 1 tablespoon of soy sauce is 1000 mg, and an extra crispy fried chicken breast (a healthier alternative to a spicy with) is 1010mg. Basically, say goodbye to the easiest Sans Meal Plan dinner, the toppings on your pho at Andrews Commons, and the entirety of Jo’s.
2. When you add more fiber to your diet, you should also drink more water to help the fiber move through your digestive system.
3. If you are a vegetarian who eats dairy products and eggs, you are a lacto-ovo-vegetarian. That means lacto-vegetarians (who do not eat eggs but do eat dairy), and vegans will have a superiority complex around you.

A History Lesson in Alcohol

1. The first beer brewed in colonial America was made from maize by settlers in Roanoke Colony, Virginia, in 1587. No wonder they mysteriously disappeared—they were all shitfaced.
2. The first law against alcohol consumption in America was set in 1623 in Virginia.
3. Beer is believed to have been made in Ancient Babylonia circa 5000 B.C.

Let us all remember that the only thing that gets a drink out of your system is time – approximately 1 hour per drink.

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Did you really read Morning Mail? Last week for free flu shots

The October 21st Morning Mail carried an important announcement, buried among all the other exciting stuff happening at Brown: this is the last week to get your free flu shots from Health Services. The flu shots are available on October 23, 24, 25 from 10 a.m.—4 p.m. each day.

While this might seem like just another task on your to do list and you might be tempted to skip it, you really shouldn’t (yes, we know we sound like your mother, but bear with us). The process barely takes five minutes, 10 minutes at the very most. The shots will protect you from the (truly horrible) flu for the entire season. All you have to do is go to the Lower Lobby, Campus Center, fill out a brief form, get vaccinated (remember to be brave) and leave.

Oh, and did I mention you also get free candy?

Brown lands spot on “Healthiest Colleges” list


Perhaps you are enjoying a bag of delicious Deep River kettle cooked potato chips as you read this, or pigging out on multiple rounds of some sugary Ratty treat (or both… I don’t judge), but don’t feel too guilty about indefinitely prolonging the Freshman 15 your unhealthy eating choices. Overall, we’re considered a pretty healthy bunch!

According to the health and fitness website, Brown ranks 6th on their list of “25 Healthiest Colleges in the US.” The website commends our locally grown food options, and vegetarian/vegan alternatives. Not surprisingly, they also mention our excellent Health Services, specifically those relating to sexual health and safety. So, next time you feel like complaining about Brown’s allegedly crappy dining hall food or subpar health services, just remember that there are those who think otherwise! Who cares if some Harvard-adoring academic ranking systems don’t realize our true merit – I’m looking at you, US News & World Report Rankings – rejoice because we’ve got great access to healthy food and condoms!

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Norovirus (aka stomach flu) outbreak on campus

“I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.”

An email was sent out at noon today regarding the recent influx of students reporting gastrointestinal illness to Health Services. It does seem that, these days, every few hours you are hearing of someone else getting the dreaded stomach bug, and there’s nothing sadder than sober vomiting.

The email suggests contacting Health Services if you’re suffering from intense dehydration, prolonged vomiting/diarrhea, and other troublesome medical symptoms that hopefully you would have noticed even if no one had emailed you. Prevention is sort of hard when everyone shares bathrooms/goes to the Ratty/touches stuff other people touch, but exercising extreme hand hygiene during this time is recommended. You might even want to be that person who carries Purell around with them.

Unfortunately, I had the flu last week, before it was trendy, and am now getting all these worried texts like, “Did you experience some tiredness?!? I’m feeling sort of tired … maybe I’m sick?” Interestingly enough, it seems as though hypochondria and viruses spread at the same rate.

While it would absolutely suck to be sick for the first few days of break, it is is sort of a blessing in disguise this is happening right before we leave – there’s a much greater likelihood of making it out alive uncontaminated with the prospect of our own beds in the near future. Good luck staying healthy! Wash your hands!

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A Thousand Barks: Heavy Petting on the Main Green

Brown University Health Services sponsored a “Heavy Petting” event this morning, which featured Brown faculty and staff and their furry friends as a great way to de-stress from the barrage of mid-October mid-terms and papers.