(Finger)Blast from the past


Last week, I wrote about the hand job: a staple of the early hook up years, whose favor has gone by the wayside. But, what about vagina owners? I think they deserve some hand-love, too.

Since I moved out of my freshman dorm room, I have not discussed “fingering” whatsoever. As an obvious lover of foreplay, I, along with the support of my partners, incorporated it into the pre-sex motions. I failed to give it the “extracurricular” thought it deserved, as my mind was preoccupied with new sex positions and blow job techniques. During Nick Offerman’s lecture at Brown last semester, he talked a lot about how great his sex life is with his wife, Megan Mullally. Nothing stuck with me as much, however, as his discussion of “fingerblasting” her to orgasm. “I want that!” I thought to myself. Similar to the hand job, getting fingered has been seamlessly integrated into foreplay, but does not often get the chance to stand on its own. Furthermore, from my own experience, it seems to be a lot more poking and prodding than anything actually arousing. This is not a gynecologic exam; you’re not trying to feel my uterus. If we’re going to do this, let’s do it right, please. So, let’s get down to it after the jump: Continue Reading

Sextion: Getting with your TA


I tend to be attracted to people with the ability to solve differential equations or who thought CS15 was “easy.” Throw in a cute smile and some hipster glasses and my panties will be dropping. But what about when that person happens to be grading your work and running review sessions before midterms? A.K.A. when that person is your TA. Something about how they answer your questions makes you all hot and bothered. So, is it ok to try and get with your TA? As a TA myself, I do enjoy some tactful flirting once in a while. Just don’t be obnoxious. After all, I’ve hooked up someone that I TA’ed.

I’ve also been other side of the scenario. More than once I’ve gone to TA sessions just because I wanted to get an eyeful. I’ve also plotted with friends on how to get my TA to the GCB so I could get them tipsy and then hit on them. I know…shameless. Nevertheless, unless you’re going to be violating the school’s code of academic conduct, I say go for it. Time to get frisky with intellectual authority.

Step One: The first step to get with your TA is to be doing well in the class. They clearly care about the material, and so should you. Passion is sexier than nonchalance. But also don’t be afraid to ask questions – a good question can show how engaged you are.

Step Two: The next step is to talk to them about something other than the class material. It also helps if you have mutual friends. Otherwise, you’ll have to try a little harder. Lingering after their hours, or showing up early, can be a good way to fit in some non-class oriented conversation. Figure out what their interests are. And, if you absolutely have to, use Facebook-stalking as a last resort.

Step Three: Try to get some one-on-one time. If they offer to help you outside of their normal hours, that’s a good sign, but don’t read too far into it – they might just be doing it to be nice. If you can meet up, see how they react to flirtations. Invite them to your friend’s party and see if they show up. Ask them if they’d like to grab a cup of coffee before class one day. Or, if you’re that confident, you could just ask them out.

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How Not to be a Freshman: Let’s just be friends

About a month ago, readers, a fling of mine ended.  Now, this courtship lasted a month, which is pretty good for me considering my less than ideal track record.  I have no hard feelings towards this guy and we even decided to “just be friends.” Now, I’ve had guys say that to me before but, it always means something different.  I’ve even used that line once or twice and not meant exactly what I said. Anyways, it got me thinking, What does that saying mean? 

“Let’s just be friends…because I don’t want to feel like a complete jerk.”  Aaah, yes.  I’ve even been guilty of using those four little words as a way to ease my own conscience.  Rejection, as we all know, sucks.  It sucks when you’re rejecting someone and it’s a bummer when you’re rejected.  Pulling the “friends” card enables us to lighten the burden of breaking a heart.  It’s an easier way of saying goodbye.

“Let’s just be friends…because I want to still keep my options open.”  This is an ulterior motive if I’ve ever seen one.  If your significant other is unsure of his/her feelings but does have a genuine interest in you, saying those four words enables him/her to explore their options while keeping you close by. How convenient. To me, this is basically an “open relationship” and we all know those never turn out well. Continue Reading

How Not to be a Freshman: The one where I take a walk

Hello Brunonians! I’m Luna Lovebad and I’m here to impart wisdom on how not to be a freshman.  Every week, I’ll be sharing some of my experiences with you: some posts will be painfully embarrassing, others heartfelt and sincere—but they’re all for your enjoyment. Each week, read along as I describe my bewilderment, happiness, and awe during my tumultuous and hopefully memorable first year at Brown.  

It’s 10:30 on a Sunday morning and I’m walking along Thayer in the same clothes I wore last night.  Most people would describe this simple meandering as the Walk of Shame. I was privileged to experience this event, considered a rite of passage in most colleges, my first weekend at Brown.  The late morning air was chilly on my shoulders (I rejected my suitor’s oh so gallant offer to wear his sweatshirt) and I had to walk home with a map pulled up on my iPhone.  With each step I took, I fell deeper into my thoughts.  How did I get here?  What am I doing?

My night started 12 hours earlier on the porch of my dorm’s favorite frat.  I saw—let’s call him “the Elusive Jew”—from across the sticky, beer-spattered lawn.  I broke out the “I’m shy and approachable” glance and, soon enough, I was partaking in a casual, albeit slightly boring conversation about random things I didn’t really care about. Usually a reserved girl, I was not planning to embark on such a scandalous sexcapade, but I soon realized he was reserving a place in his single room for me.  I figured “YOLO” and I knew he was thinking “L’Chaim.”

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