Useless Rankings: RI second-worst run state?

Possible mafia front?

Highly suspect.

Many Brunonians don’t acknowledge the existence of Rhode Island beyond College Hill. In our Brunonian Bubble, we have Blue State, Starbucks, Mister Sister, and the Duck & Bunny. Things seem pretty good. Not according to 24/7 Wall Street, which calculated the best and worst run states using GDP growth, employment rates, and debt management. The goal was to figure out which state best utilized its resources to the full effect. The result? Rhode Island ranks second-worst, just ahead of California.

Hey, at least our state is ahead of the Kardashian’s.

Rhode Island’s unemployment rate stands at  11.3%, which is the third highest in the country. Additionally, 14.7% of residents live below the poverty line. The state has 9.5 billion in unpaid debts. Meanwhile, the best-run state is… North Dakota (?), followed by Wyoming, Nebraska, Utah, and Iowa. I guess living out West might really be best.

In all seriousness, these rankings are a wake up call to the poor state of the Ocean State and its residents.

Image via.

Mafia bust sweeps Northeast

Mob suspect in handcuffs / The Associated Press

Nearly 130 people were arrested today in connection with an FBI mob sweep that is being called one of the largest in history. The New York Times reported that the sweep targeted seven mob families in New York, New Jersey, and Rhode Island and involved coordinated arrests at dawn as law enforcement across the Northeast took into custody top mob leaders, lesser associates, and union officials. Among those arrested was famed 83 year-old Rhode Island mobster Luigi “Baby Shacks” Manocchio, whose peculiar nickname (reportedly due to his notoriety as a ladies’ man) and reputation for shaking down strip clubs precedes him. Stay tuned for more coverage in The Herald’s City & State section.

Queen Latifah insults Brown students

Olivier Douliery / Abaca Press

Last night’s episode of 30 Rock (which you can watch for yourself here) featured Queen Latifah as a grandstanding Rhode Island Congresswoman angry about a lack of diversity on NBC. But she didn’t save her insults just for that company. Her character lashed out at many of our favorite people in Rhode Island — including including us!

“Mr. Donaghy, I represent Rhode Island’s 1st Congressional District. It’s a diverse community, from the hardworking moms and dads of Smithfield to the spoiled jags at Brown to the thriving, flourishing Italian criminal community in Providence.”

Spoiled jags, are we? Well! There’s enough diversity at Brown that we’re not all spoiled jags. But the joke’s on her — with midterm elections coming up, we can all “forget” to vote for her. If all this were real, that is.

At least the mafia got called out too.

Brown wasn’t the only Ivy the show’s writers threw under the bus. Frequently recurring joke Harvard took a hit too.

Liz: I don’t know if he’s mentioned this to you a hundred times, but he went to Harvard.
Jack: So we know he’s smart and superb at masturbation.

Harvard, your face is on the phone. Soccer practice is over, and you need to pick it up!