State of the State: Pumpkin record smashed

The description for the above video really says it all: “Pumpkin.”

Last Friday in Topsfield, MA, in a competition we know you all followed with bated breath, an Ocean State resident broke the world record in pumpkin growing. Now, to give you a sense of this magician’s gardening skills, the new gourd to end all gourds snatched the title from some doo-doo head named Chris Stevens (from Wisconsin or some other flyover state), who set the record in 2010 with a 1,810.5 pound pumpkin. Ron “Rhodey” Wallace (nickname pending approval) grew a pumpkin that tipped the scales at 2,009 pounds — over a ton! The Topsfield Fair awarded the Greene, RI, resident a cool $15,500 for his efforts, which, on top of the $5,500 he snagged for 1st place, included the $10,000 prize for breaking the one-ton mark. Protip for President Paxson: If Brown offered 10k signing bonuses, our admissions process would become vastly more competitive.

We know, though, that Wallace won something even more valuable: our hearts. Grow on, fair Rhode Islanders, grow on. Let’s make 2013 a TWO TON year, k?