Here are some ridiculous RI laws

Whatta badass bish

Casual law-breaking on Thayer; photographed holding just-purchased illegal substances.

College students are used to breaking the law (we’re not going to go into specifics here, but we’re sure you get the idea). However, there are some laws that make you wonder what had to go so wrong to create the need for a law against it. I decided to live on the edge and test the limits of the Providence Police (ProPo, as opposed to BroPo) by breaking some ridiculous Rhode Island laws.

You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday in Providence.

I can’t even imagine where this law came from. Maybe churchgoers love morning breath? Or eating toothpaste while massaging your face with a toothbrush is a secret Sunday hangover cure? Anyway, I went to CVS last Sunday to once again do some badass law-breaking. I carefully selected a tube of Crest toothpaste and an Oral-B toothbrush and brought them to the register; I wasn’t trying to sneak around the law by using an Express Check-Out station. To my surprise, the cashier sold me the toothpaste and toothbrush together on a Sunday! But he conspicuously did not give me a receipt, so I’m assuming this was part of an elaborate cover-up effort. Although I was able to get CVS to break this law, I’m sure it’s super serious, so don’t come running to me if someone gets arrested—you’ve been warned.

It is illegal to wear transparent clothing in Providence.

I’m guessing that this law resulted from some Hangover-inspired night gone wrong. I wanted to see how seriously this law is taken, so I walked down Thayer in a transparent top. Although I got some weird looks, possibly resulting from the fact that it was 30° and my shirt was completely see-through, no one tried to make a citizen’s arrest (unfortunately I couldn’t find any police to break the law in front of). So for all of you who are guilty of this every weekend, don’t worry: the BroPo has better things to bust you for. Note that Rhode Island has no specific statute against Indecent Exposure, so if you’re planning on wearing a transparent shirt, just do the legal thing and go topless instead. Continue Reading

The real value of a Brown education

Mr. Mackey / South Park

On January 19th, the ProPo arrested 22-year-old Jeffrey Martin, a local Brown alum, for running a “makeshift drug lab” in his South Providence apartment.  According to a ProJo 7 to 7 news blog update published today, Martin told the police that he had learned how to make narcotics in the courses that he took at Brown.  Unfortunately, those same courses didn’t also teach him how to adequately hide a clandestine apartment-based drug operation.  Come on BIOL1210.  Get your shit together.

Read about the full story in the Herald on Thursday.

ProPo investigate stabbing on Thayer

Thayer Street- Max Monn / Herald

The Providence police department is looking into an altercation which occurred outside Paragon Restaurant on Thayer Street last night.  According to the ProJo, the incident, which occurred just after 11 p.m., consisted of a heated argument between two men, and resulted in one man stabbing the other.  It appears as though neither party involved is in any way affiliated with Brown.

Get your IDs ready

Cops in Kartabar

Cops checking IDs at Kartabar. Photo by Ruben W. Perez of the Providence Journal.

There’s a new group of cops in town, and they want to check your IDs. According an article in today’s ProJo, the Providence Police’s recently-created Underage Drinking & Nightclub Safety Task Force was on Thayer on a recent Thursday evening, checking bars for underage drinking and other code violations.

Kartabar received a citation for a blocked fire exit, but the officers found Thayer’s bars otherwise free of illegal activity. Spat’s, for example, “was quiet, and there was no evidence of underage drinking, liquor-control problems or fire-code violations.”

Nice work, Thayer-goers. Whether you’re abiding by the law or just have good fakes, we’re sure the U is breathing a sigh of relief.

Brown grad, NFL player pleads no contest to FishCo assault

David T. Howard ‘09.5 has pled no contest to the charge that he assaulted a customer while working as a bouncer at FishCo, the Projo has reported. Howard, who has since been drafted to play for the Tennessee Titans, had originally appealed his conviction, but changed his plea to no contest after plea bargaining.

Howard allegedly punched and kicked a Southborough, Mass. man who complained about having to pay for drinks, though he had paid a fee to get all-you-can-eat-or-drink, as other attendees told police. FishCo, popular Wednesday night spot for Brown students, had to close down for three days as punishment.

So let this be a reminder to you, kids… FishCo may seem like it’s all class with its Ke$ha soundtrack and pole dancing and house-drink Fish Piss (we still don’t know exactly what it contains), but it can be sketchy too.

Just don’t complain about the prices.

Spotted on Thayer: ProHo

Howdy, partner.

Clippity-cloppity sounds on Thayer this morning brought to mind the days of Liquid patrons calling hansom cabs for the ride home and rides tied up outside Tedeschi. (Oh wait, it would have been called Store 24 back then.) But it turns out it was just a mounted Providence Police officer, pictured outside the bookstore.

So watch where you step this afternoon. The real question: when can we expect equine SafeRide?