A scaredy cat’s guide to Halloween


Halloween is one of the few times of year that it’s socially acceptable to do whatever you can to scare the crap out of people. Whether it’s a simple sneak-up from behind or an elaborately planned prank, it’s prime time for spooking. For the same reason people voluntarily put their bodies on metal scaffolding hundreds of feet in the air and ride around for the “thrill,” some love the rush of adrenaline that can only come when scared out of their minds. But some rational-thinkers, myself included, prefer to live our lives calmly and without weird masks popping out at us and eerie sounds emanating from unknown locations. If you find yourself in this category, rest assured, it doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy this Hallow’s Eve!

First of all, there are plenty of people out there who are in the same boat as you, so, if you can, try to find a group that won’t be actively seeking out scary stuff and stick with them. This will allow you to relax and have fun, while avoiding those awkward conversations about how you’d rather cut off your left leg than enter a haunted house. Even within a larger group, finding just one fear-phobic person to hang back with will make you feel infinitely better.

Don’t let the FOMO get to you, though. Forcing yourself to go somewhere where you know you’ll be miserable just so you can show up in Facebook photos is probably a bad idea. Plus, you’ll likely end up looking pale and terrified in all those pictures, anyway. Staying in is well worth safeguarding your mental stability.

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5 scary things to think about this Halloween


Halloween is rapidly approaching, which means the season of scary has arrived. The holiday features frights such as ghouls, clowns, bats, feeding copious amounts of candy to pre-diabetic children, and the fact that sexy Olaf costumes are a thing. To add to that list of horrors, try thinking about these 5 alternative scary things this Halloween:

1. The national debt

The national deficit is the money the government takes in minus the money the government spends, and the national debt is the total amount borrowed to fund that deficit. The current national debt totals in around $17,904,969,580,881.62. That’s more than $17 trillion, folks, increasing by $75 million every hour. Bored in class? Watch the debt go up in real time here. Fun! Eerie!

2. The capriciousness of life

Everything that happens in life is random. There are no constants. Despite any attempt to find patterns or systems of causation, there is no way to predict or explain why things happen to us. Nothing happens for a reason. Success is not guaranteed, and every step forward is just the result of a lucky draw from a rigged lottery. Consider how everything you do doesn’t really matter as you wait in line for for the Midnight Organ Concert. Hair-raising!

3. Your own insignificance

You are very insignificant, in the big scheme of things. You are just one of over 7 billion people in the world, part of a single iteration of the human population. It has been only 200,000 years since anatomically modern humans first appeared. The first life forms appeared on earth between 3.8 and 3.5 billion years ago. The earth itself was formed around 4.54 billion years ago. The span of modern civilization is a millisecond in comparison to the history of this planet. You take up a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of that millisecond. You are an indiscernible smudge on the surface of our planet, just a minuscule sphere composed of crust and mantle, in our solar system, in a galaxy, in the ever-expanding, timeless vastness of the universe… Think about that as you wolf down excessive amounts of candy this Halloween. Creepy!

4. Your own mortality

This Halloween, try to get a grasp on your own mortality. You may think you are young and invincible, but every day is just one step on the slow march toward death. Death is life’s principle constant. Just as everybody poops, everybody dies, though death cannot be better regulated with Activia or a high-fiber diet. Death is everywhere. As you go out next weekend, take a look at all the things dying around you — leaves, insects, and also, yourself. Chilling!

5. Blue Room muffins are 400 to 600 calories each.

I know. *cries* Spooky!



Images via and via. 

Frosh-cessities: Everything you ever needed to know about the housing lottery

ResLife recommends you study hundreds of floor plans. Because that is the level of insanity the lottery requires.

ResLife recommends you study hundreds of floor plans. Because that is the level of insanity the lottery requires.

This is an incredibly important PSA reminding everyone that lottery applications are due this Friday, March 22 at noon. Do not miss this deadline! If you do, you and your tragic housing group will be automatically entered in the Summer Housing Process. ResLife provides a step-by-step account of that process, but it can be summarized as being officially fucked over for housing. So again, submit your housing lottery application by FRIDAY!

As you’ve probably heard, there have been significant changes to the housing options available for rising sophomores, who are now part of a separate lottery from rising juniors and seniors. As you have also probably heard, no one actually seems to know how exactly this will affect the lottery; some will tell you the Class of 2016 has been saved from the brutality that would have been, while others offer the opinion that they have been royally screwed over (Perkins as a sophomore, anyone?). It doesn’t help that ResLife is intent on sending out very confusing emails and maintaining several different webpages that offer different sets of information. Example: the initial lottery information email told students to check the “front desk in North Wayland” to verify their semester levels. Um, ResLife has been located in Grad Center E since the beginning of this school year. You would think that they would know…

We do our best to provide useful lottery information and links after the jump:

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BlizDailyHerald: Ratty Strategy


Nemo may mean no classes, but it also means no Jo’s, Blue Room, limited (if any) Thayer, and the V-Dub closing at 2 p.m. (no one can take CFF away). There is no getting away from it; the Ratty is going to be terrifying tonight.

To be clear, I think the Ratty can be scary on a normal day at noon, and that’s with other options available. When it’s the only option available, like it was during our old friend Sandy or awkward last-day-before-break or first-night-back, it is nearly unbearable. Everyone gets so mean! And pushy! And there are SO MANY PEOPLE.

Tips on how to survive tonight:

1) Establish a home base. This is key. Get a table, make sure everyone in your party KNOWS where the table is, and use your excessive extra layers/scarves/layers/hats to mark your territory. You don’t want to be finding a table when you’re already carrying plates on a crowded night like tonight—spillage would be a tragedy waiting to happen. Also, I really hate the whole follow-around-whoever-you-came-with Ratty experience, but really, if you haven’t gotten your table YOU WILL LOSE EACH OTHER. It’s highly likely tonight will bring about many a table-sharing experience. This is very doable if you have the correct ratio of friends to randos – you DON’T want to be the pair tacked onto the end of an 8-person party, with no chair in between. (This is especially bad if you find yourself sitting at a sports team’s table. Repeat: Do not sit with a team). Continue Reading