I don’t have much time. We don’t have much time. We sophomores have been working hard this semester to keep the Slump at bay. At times it seemed like we had even gained the upper hand. But alas, all of our progress might be for naught. The storm is coming. In fact, I fear it is already upon us.
There is still time to escape, to save yourself before the tempest strikes. You can drop a class anytime before finals. I strongly urge anyone reading this to drop all of their classes IMMEDIATELY, and then walk in a quiet and orderly fashion to the nearest fallout shelter. There should be enough Spam in there to last you until junior year, when it will be safe to come out again.
The beginning of the year is great. Freshmen travel in enormous packs, become acclimated to the campus and meet the people they’ll be living with for the next four years. Upperclassmen are reunited with friends they missed all summer and get to laugh at freshmen who travel in aforementioned giant packs. As September seeps into October, things only heat up. Shopping period is over; people settle into classes and see which ones they
regret love. Calendars evolve into jam-packed monstrosities, chock full of events happening around campus. And then Halloweek hits. Ah, Halloweek. That blissful period at the end of October when Brown students finally seem to “go hard” and let their freak flags fly. But what happens when November 1 arrives? The first day of this month is already ominous; could Daylight Savings be any creepier?
Here are some low-key things to keep in mind that may mitigate those November Blues:
- Warmest Development: No Shave November→ This strictly applies to those who like a little scruff in their life. Maybe this new month will bid farewell to man buns and welcome in a new era of refined, genteel, bearded gentlemen. What’s more, some women let their leg hair envelop them in swaths of warmness.
- Sweetest Development: Cuffing Season→ Unaware of cuffing season? When I was in high school, this term referred to the time of year when people seemed to settle down and find a significant other. After a summer of general salaciousness, many wanted to be “cuffed” or “cuff” someone else. According to Demisexual Lovato (expert in all things relationship), New England operates a little differently. In Providence, with the cold winter winds and the sun setting at 5:00 PM, people search for a steady bae to keep them warm on those November nights. Here’s hoping.
- Most Bumpin’ Development: Good Music → For some reason, a lot of artists emerge from hibernation at the beginning of the cold front. This month, ADELE (!!!!!!) is dropping her third album, the long anticipated 25. If “Hello” is any indication of what’s to come, this will be her best yet. And if Adele doesn’t float your fancy,
I hate youdon’t worry. The Biebs, Cee-Lo Green, and Ellie Goulding also have albums dropping this month.
- Bro-iest Development: Good Sports → Apparently, November is one of the best months for professional sports. And college sports. And intramural sports at Brown (it’s the beginning of Innertube Water Polo!). So, yeah. Ball is life.
- Creepiest Development: Overall Spookiness→ Halloween may be over, but there is a Friday the thirteenth in November. Capitalize on this frightening fact and celebrate in style! Defy your own laziness and walk down the hill to a Providence ghost tour, venture into the sketchy shower at the end of your hall, or maybe just watch Friday the Thirteenth with your friends. Or bae. If development #2 actually develops.
You’ve been warned about the Sophomore Slump. I’ve been warned about the Sophomore Slump. We’ve all been warned about the Sophomore Slump. As my first year at Brown drew to a close last spring, a preemptive sense of nostalgia crept over me. It was surely all downhill from here.
I returned this semester as a sophomore, teeth gritted against the inevitable plunge in motivation. No matter several positive developments—I had a nice room, I had friends, I could locate Smitty B on a map—I expected my life to turn sour at any moment.
There is still plenty of time left for me to lose all sense of purpose, but so far sophomore year has been a marked improvement over freshman year. Take the Activities Fair, for example.