New traditions Brown definitely needs


Brown, like many other schools, cherishes its long-established traditions and encourages everyone to participate and be merry together. Just look at Spring Weekend: hundreds will participate in the numerous events and later join in solidarity as they collectively get slammed with raging hangovers. Traditions give a school character and bolster school spirit, as bizarre and morally questionable as they may be. Don’t get me wrong—I am extremely fond of the already existing traditions at Brown. I enjoy my nude pastry providers as much as the next guy, but it may be time for a little something new. Or you know, we could simply alter the ones that are already in place just a teeny bit. Don’t want to upset the reactionaries.

Naked Cronut Run

Honestly, I believe the NDR embodies the essence of the Brown community and to abolish it would be to deny a key aspect of our Brunonian experience. But, times they are a-changin’ my friend, and the delivered goods need a facelift.

Don't you want me, baby?

Don’t you want me, baby?

Allow me to propose a Naked Cronut Run. These little bundles of fried joy are the paradigm of culinary perfection. Donuts are tasty and all, but hell, does the American dream tell us to conform? No. It urges us to strive for the best in life, and cronuts are just that. They are more expensive than their plebeian counterparts, but fundraisers throughout the year are always an option. Or, we can offer both donuts and cronuts during the NCR (?), but students would have to pay extra at the time of the offer if they desire the latter. The transaction would have to be conducted carefully to prevent a strip club feel. Continue Reading

BlogDH Explains Orientation: Unit Wars

You’ve made it through a horrifyingly awkward dance. You’ve carried your mini fridge up four flights of stairs. You’ve survived the anxiety-ridden experience that is registration. Now it’s time to march into battle and win the ultimate prizes: glory, victory, bragging rights, and gift cards to that movie theater that you’ll only go to when you’re trying to show the person you’re dating how “cultured” you are. Clad in your tribe’s colors with passion in your heart, you charge the field  casually wander onto the field and wonder why the majority of your unit isn’t here yet. (Answer: they’re hungover.)

Eventually, after an extended period of waiting around and trying to maintain awkward conversations with people you’ve only really known for six days, the tension mounts. Your RPLs make efforts to pump you up and when they fail, some over-hyped and over-excited fellow freshman will end up jumping on a table and letting out some guttural war cry. You’ll inevitably hear the ever-classic and somehow competitive phrase “This is Sparta” over and over and over again. You will half-heartedly join in, but someone will notice your lack of enthusiasm and force you to get up on the table as well… and this is not the first time you will be embarrassed today, so get used to it. The Brown Band marches by, playing Top 40 songs and you awkwardly hum along before you realize that everyone else at this school listens to really “underground” music and that they’re probably judging you for knowing an entire Taylor Swift song, so you quickly stop.

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